You say Hotdog, I say Huttdog

A reminder of my brother...

2010-05-31T02:13:00.000-07:00

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

For some reason today when I saw this scripture I thought of my brother Tom. He is overseas, serving his last deployment. He is awaiting his departure from the Marine Corp. And we are waiting for him here at home.

I posted it on his facebook page, hoping it speaks to him as it did me. He isn't a religious person. And I am not even sure he believes in God. But I posted it anyways...

I hope it touches his heart....

My Depression (Part 2)

2010-05-22T18:31:00.001-07:00

Things that I should get done have become much more than even a chore. It almost pains me to get up and get my day started. I have to put on a happy face and face the world. All the while I just would rather go back to bed.

I am much more comfortable here in bed, online, talking to people behind the comforts of a computer screen. It is safer. And it sure doesn't require a smile.

I was doing pretty well at hiding the pain, hiding the feeling of hopelessness. But then just last week a friend said this to me in a email;

"You looks so sad lately"

That is all it said. Nothing more. And I cried. I cried because the jig was up. I was had. I hadn't hid it very well, had I? How was he able to see it? And so I asked him. He said he just knew. He knew me well enough to know when I was happy and when I wasn't.

In most cases I would just laugh this off via email, make it sound like he was losing his own mind. But for some reason I just couldn't lie to this friend. He is a very good friend who has listened to me and provided some good recommendations at times. He is a big reason why I am going back to school. He told me I was smart enough to do anything I wanted to do and more. So lying to him seemed quite silly. I sighed and told him he was right, that I wasn't all put together and was a mess. And that I was back on my medications. All 3 of them to be precise. He "listened" via email, and emailed me back words of encouragement and told me that if I ever needed to talk, he was there to listen. He really is a very good friend. The kind that gives you a laugh when you need it, growls with you when your angry and scolds you when you need a good scolding.

So this past week I have reflected since that email. Wondering what part of me was shown to him. It had to be a part that wanted and needed help. Someone seeing my unhappiness had to be God's way of saying "hey you, come on pick yourself up and we will get you through this."

I have thought about what I want to do. Do I want to lay here in self pity? Do I want to be happy? I want nothing more than to be happy. To feel some joy again. Because right now I feel at the bottom. I don't even really remember what happy feels like. And that is sad to me. Just plain sad.

stay tuned for part 3

2010-05-20T04:21:00.000-07:00

The appetite of the lazy craves and gets nothing, while the appetite of the diligent is richly supplied. Proverbs 13:4

I have been lazy. I admit it wholeheartedly. And I have been suffering from it. Just read my latest blog about my depression. It's been eating me up inside everyday.

I decided I was going to blog today about an accomplishment I had yesterday. It was a horrible day, filled with many tears. But I had one good thing come of it and I came here to blog about it. I try to remember to add scripture to my blogs when it is extremely relevant to me at that particular time, particular blog, etc. So I set out to find a perfect scripture that captured exactly what I was thinking.

And I found the above scripture, and it spoke volumes to me. Just when I become a little complacent and feel that I am just right with what God is saying to me, he goes and pulls the wool over my eyes and shocks me a bit. He helps me remember that I should go to him for the answers.

See I came here today to tell you that even though it was a horrible day I accomplished cleaning my downstairs tile floor. Except for a little portion by the front door and under the kitchen table it looks spectacular. Amazing honestly.

And I even cooked a meal that was sooo yummy.

So I looked for a scripture about rejoicing, keeping up the home. And I found this one.

Now what did it mean to me? Well it reminded me that my being lazy is just making things worse. Especially when it comes to my depression. I need to get up and face the day. I need to tackle challenges. Even if I only do one little thing a day, its an accomplishment. And God will provide the much needed pat on the back when its done.

I really need to remember to just go back to the basics, go back to who matters....God.

My Depression (part 1)

2010-05-18T23:57:00.000-07:00

Brace yourself, this may be a ramble.

Don't say I didn't warn you. I won't take credit or blame for your face hitting your keyboard from falling asleep.

Ok so I have so many things going on. Yet nothing is getting accomplished. Some of you may know about me personally, some of you may not. I suffer from depression. I have a tendency to look like I have things together, look like I have the answers, but in reality I do not. I am a mess.

I guess I probably get this from my Father. For years I thought he had it all together. Thought he planned things, organized things, thought everything was done to the T. Ya not so much. I learned in the last few years that he is a huge procrastinator. I knew he suffered from depression, that he was bipolar and was a recovering alcoholic. But I didn't know to the degree that he didn't get stuff done. I learned that if it wasn't for his wife pushing him in the right ways to get things done, then they just might never have.

I never noticed it all. I mean, sure the garage looked like a bomb went off in it, no matter how many times he "cleaned" it. Sure his closet was a disaster area...but I just thought we had a lot of junk growing up. We did, but it could have been organized in a much cleaner way.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my Father dearly, much more than he may ever know, but I was oblivious to it all. That was until it was explained to me and when I saw those same tendencies in myself.

God says that a good wife keeps up the home, takes care of herself, is a amazing cook, etc. I have failed tremendously in all those areas. It is quite sad to be honest.

My house is a wreck, serious wreck. I rarely get enough "good" sleep, so I try to catch up....well I am now coming to terms with it actually being my depression. It is making my life a hell. Just today my brother-in-law came over and helped Chris clean the back patio. It was filthy. I felt so bad about it that I hid in my room. I hid in my own house. How sad is that?

I take care of Chris solely on my own. He is like having a 5 year-old most days. And I never get a break. Even when I am at work I have to wonder if he is breaking something, burning up the place, locking himself out of the house, falling, and a plethora of other things. When I am home I am constantly on edge waiting for him to do something. I have tried going behind him and cleaning as the mess occurs but after awhile I just got tired of it all. I got tired, sick and tired. And now I just lay in bed. And I call down to make sure he is ok. He will answer me yes or no, and if its a no....then I will go help.

I haven't cooked in months...if even maybe a year. Its microwave meals or fast food. And even in some cases just not even bothering to eat at all. I haven't lost a single pound from not eating, funny as that is. But Chris has. A mixture of his not wanting to eat and my not wanting to cook has left him looking like skin and bones.

I have about a million things I am "supposed" to do.....and not one of them ever gets done.

stay tuned for part 2

Now what to do?

2010-05-16T03:28:00.000-07:00

I have hit somewhat of a road block. One would call it that, but I call it a huge problem.

I had decided to go ahead and pick up my writing. I am writing a story (which I hope to make into a book someday) based loosely on Chris and I's marriage. Chris has given me the go ahead to do this project. He has given me his blessing and has also stated he hopes that it impacts someone.

Now the road block comes into play. I don't want it to be word for word my life. I want these character's to have their own personalities, own issues, quirks, etc. It can be difficult loosely basing something on my life, which trying to keep it fiction.

I have logged into the site I keep my work (no worries, it is safe and so password locked, it isn't funny), yet I simply can not come up with the words I want to use.

I have also been writing down my other ideas. I have so many ideas for so many other books.

I want these to be real, to feel like real people, but I want Christian issues, Christian values, Christian ideas to be the core. That is my life and I will not go back on it.

So I am asking you all to pray for me, pray I have some guidance in the right way to go with this story. It is very important to me, as well as it is a wonderful way to get my frustrations out in a constructive way.

4 am

2010-05-10T04:26:00.000-07:00

It's 4am here where I live. I can not sleep. I lay awake. The TV is off. The only sound I hear is that of my husband's occasional snore. I rub my eyes and wish I could sleep.

I can not though.

I should have taken a sleeping pill. That is usually the way I can fall asleep now. But I simply forgot. And now I regret it. Mostly because I am not sleeping. Also because I will have a hard time waking up when its time to get up to go to work. But the main reason is so that I can dream.

Dreaming is the only escape I have. The escape I long for every day. It is where I see those I miss. Those I love. Those I wish I had one more moment with. Those that I could say so much more to. More than what I had said.

I would tell them I love them. I would tell them they meant something. I would tell them that the sun rose and the moon set with them in my eyes. They were my everything. They were so much more than what they thought they had been.

But they are gone and I am here. And those words can never be spoken to them. Those words will never fall on their ears or on their hearts. Those words lie in my heart. They lie with me forever.

But in my dreams I can tell them. Tell them everything I wanted to say. Everything that mattered to me. I can tell them the things I long to say now.

It's like a cruel joke. I can only be with them in my dreams, in my sleep. But yet when I close my eyes I can't make myself drift off. I yawn but no sleep follows. I rub my eyes but no sleep follows. I wish for the thing that seems so natural. But it doesn't come.

It doesn't come until I take that pill. Should I? Should I run towards the happiness? Or should I refuse? Should I rely on that pill? Should I rely on it's magic? Or should I refuse and take control?

It's 4am. And I just want to sleep.....just want to dream....

It's been a week...

2010-05-04T04:17:00.000-07:00

A week that was quite difficult I might add. But I am here.

I am stuck in a rut right now. Not knowing what to do, smile or cry? I had four people yesterday ask me if I was ok. Apparently I looked like I could cry. But I wasn't going to, so I am not sure what look I had on my face.

I started back up on my cocktail of antidepressants. I call it a cocktail, because I don't drink anymore and it's kinda funny to say my cocktail. As if I would drink. lol.

I am back on Wellbutrin in the moring, Celexa at dinner, and Elavil at night.

I have alot of anger issues. They stem from a variety of things. Not many people see the really truly angry person that I am. I hide it very well. I bottle it up inside of myself. And then there is my depressed state. Where I am just utterly depressed. I don't want to get out of bed, yet I can't sleep. It's a yo yo that I hate. But I am not bipolar. I don't have "manic" phases. I do not experience any highs.

So in the past Wellbutrin worked extremely well in keeping my anger in check. My anger depression as I call it. And the Celexa worked great to keep my depression in check. By accident I found out the combo of the two helped me alot. So a month or so ago the doctor and I decided to try the combo again. I tried the Wellbutrin by itself, but it just didn't work. So we reintroduced the Celexa.

And to help me sleep we decided on Elavil. That one has a two fold advantage for me. I get to sleep and it helps with the neuropathy and pain in my legs. So great right?

Well not so fast.

I find it absolutely hilarious that given what I do for a living, Pharmacy, I simply can not remember to take my medications. It's quite comical. So really I have been forgetting these medications. So I haven't been consistantly taking them to reach a level to see if they truly work.

So after having a conversation with my friend, Juliet, she suggested maybe a pill holder. I said I tried those and they didn't work so well. But I was willing to try again. I also mentioned that I had had a friend who sometimes would remind me too. She would ask me, "have you taken your meds today?" I never took offense to it, it honestly was nice to hear someone ask me. Like they were trying to take care of me.

So yesterday Juliet asked me if I had taken my medications. Yep! I have this pill holder thing. I has individual little containers for each day. Each day is in its own little shelf. I pull out the day of the week and can slip the holder in my pocket if I have to. It has been making my life alot easier.

It is still really early to see if these are all helping. But I am hopeful. I had a bit of setback this weekend, where I didn't get out of bed until Sunday afternoon when my Mom called me. But I know that I might have day's like that. And that is ok. I just have to take each day when it comes.

Afterall, tomorrow has enough worries of its own.

Sticky Sunday

2010-04-25T19:28:00.001-07:00

Will I See Them In Heaven?

2010-04-24T01:49:00.000-07:00

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 14:1-3

During a friendly discussion with some friends some interesting questions were asked. See I have a friend who is not Christian, he is a non believer. He does graciously accept my prayers when I say I am praying for him. He does so mainly out of respect for our friendship, I believe. So when the question was raised to me, "do you ever fear you will not see your loved ones in this Heaven or Lord's house when you arrive" was asked, I started to think.

Of course I am troubled by the fact that my loved ones may not be waiting in the Lord's house for me when I die, or I will be waiting for those that will never come. It hurts my heart to think that I may never see those that I hold dear to me. It hurts that I will know where they are, certainly not with me and the Lord.

But I guess what hurts me even more is that they will never have been saved. They will never know the Good News of our Lord. That their hearts will never rejoice like mine has. That they will never know that Jesus Christ died for their sins, that he gave his life for us.

And how is it that I fix this? Because let's be honest, as humans we want to fix whatever the problem is...make it better, make it right.

So I have been brainstorming. How can I impact others for Christ?

It's a question that my Pastor brought to the Church almost a year ago. He challenged us to be Bold. To go out and impact the world for Christ. I will be honest, I am horrible at trying to impact others for Christ. Horrible at it. Plain horrible.

It's one of my worst qualities. And its a quality I absolutely hate about myself. So I have to set myself with small goals. Small goals to push myself to show others this wonderful and glorious life I have found.

It starts with just being honest with myself. Getting down to the nitty gritty of what I truly believe in my heart. To tell myself that what I believe may not be popular, but it is right. To act according to those beliefs is crucial. Because you can believe all you want to believe, but if your actions do not back up what you believe, then where is the justification in what you believe? How can others look at you and say now there is someone who stands firm in what they believe if you go against every single thing you "preach"? You have to hold true to those beliefs and show them in your actions.

The next step for myself is to openly share with my friends. Its a small group, but to share it with them gets me more open to sharing with a much larger group of people. To just be able to share my testimony is a huge thing for me. It is extremely emotional for me to share. So I started off with sharing with one friend. So far so good, she has started attending church with me. She and I talk about the Bible, religion, God, and just about everything else. She has become one of my closest friends.

What the next step is? Well I am not certain just yet. I pray about it, but not in the sense that you see me down on my hands and knees bowing my head. I have discussions with God everyday in my head. I ask him to lead me to the right path. So far he has told me or guided me down those two areas of my path. Who knows tomorrow he may lead me completely in a different direction. But I leave it up to him.

But the long in the short is, I am terrified that my loved ones will never see the goodness and wonderfulness of God. They will never see what I see. And when I meet God, they will not be there. It terrifies me. So I pray and hope that they each see the changes in me and wonder what it is that I have that they don't have. That they see his holiness in my actions. That they find what I have.

So that one day we do see each other in Heaven.

Friends?

2010-04-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking alot lately of what truly makes a friend. What is the definition? Well we could go look it up, but what does it really mean?

I think we all have different definitions although some of those definitions might duplicate and repeat themselves.

I have had to take a long look at some of the friendships I have made. Reason? Well someone once said you surround yourself with the people you want other's to know you as. Well that makes sense. If you want to be known as a thief, you tend to hang out with other thieves. If you want to be known as a God fearing Christian, you surround yourself with other Christians. It makes perfect sense.

So I wondered exactly who are my friends. Who are they?

I tend to like all kinds of people. I do not have a mold that everyone must fit in. I know that is impossible. It just can't happen. I open my heart and soul to everyone. I have had it smashed a few times, and other times the love has been reciprocated. For the most part I have developed some lasting friendships that mean more to me than anything else.

But there are those rare bad seeds. The ones that I let in and just can't tear myself away from. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and always give them second, third, fourth....chances. And they always let me down. Now I am not someone with high standards. Anyone who has met me can attest. I am a simple person who isn't extravagant by any means. All I ask for is respect and for my feelings to be thought of sometimes. Easy right?

Ya not so much.

So because of a recent incident I have sat back and really thought of who my friends are and who I want people to know me as. Do I want to be known as someone who is loving? Or someone who has no regard for others feelings and runs the streets?

I think we all know the answer to those questions. I am consciously deciding on who I want in my life and who I do not want in my life. I care too much about others and it's extremely hard for me to step back and not get involved. It tears my heart in two. But I have to do it. I have to.

Monday Madness

2010-04-19T00:22:00.000-07:00

Today is Monday...yet another week.

I have so much to do, yet do not want to do it. LOL. Yet another symptom of my depression.

I am trying to get this depression under wraps before I start school in the fall. I don not want a single thing to hinder my success. I will not allow myself to fail. I will not allow myself to slip. I will not allow myself to come up with another excuse.

This is my last chance to change my future, to write it the way I want and the way God wants. I am following where he is leading me. He has given me the tools, now I just have to make it happen.

It's Thursday...

2010-04-15T19:42:00.000-07:00

And I already feel like this week couldn't be over fast enough.

I am so exhausted.

I have a dear friend who is terribly sick. She was told she might have cervical cancer. She also found a lump on her breast. She is only 23. Too young to be dealing with this, too wonderful to have to go through this. And yet here she is doing it with such grace and dignity that I am in awe.

But today she was at her wits end. I saw her break a little.

She texted my phone this morning to tell me she was on her way to the hospital. She was in such extreme pain. I went just as soon as Chris was comfortable (he was in the throws of a panic attack).

There she lay, hooked up to a machine, just in tears. My heart broke for her. She doesn't deserve to be going through this. She has a son and a bright future. Yet she is dealing with all of this.

I had to leave her for just a bit, take Chris to the doctor, drop off his prescriptions, get him something to eat, then back at the hospital. She was discharged shortly thereafter, with no real definition of what was wrong. My poor friend has medication, lots of prayers and the hope that she won't be in such pain that she can't sleep comfortably at home tonight.

I realize that most will never meet her, will never speak to her, but if you could take a moment to pray that my friend Juliet makes it through this, I would so appreciate it.
Thank you.
Hugs and love!
Angel

Monday Merriment

2010-04-12T03:46:00.000-07:00

I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:19-34

This happens to be my most favorite bible verse to date. I say to date because I haven't read the bible in its entirety. This verse speaks so much to me, and touches my heart in so many ways.

I read this scripture when I was at my lowest low. I had just lost our home (I say I because Chris just isn't physically or mentally able to grasp this all). I had to find a new place to live, move our things, and all the while Chris was in a psychiatric facility, so I was visiting him regularly. Mind you I also had to go to my Grandmother and borrow money to afford to obtain our townhouse. I did all this without actually falling completely apart.

I had gone to a friend about my losing my house. How I was desperately trying to keep it together. How I had no idea how I would be able to do all of this on my own. A few days later she called me and asked me if she could help along with a couple of guys and a truck. I, of course, jumped at the thought of doing this. I needed help so badly. I felt like I was going to break at any moment.

The day of the move I didn't even have a thing packed. I had to work during the week and was running from work to the psychiatric ward then back to work. I barely could even clean my house. Everything was a disaster and I prayed that she and her friends could look past it all and I wouldn't be embarassed.

She called me from a few streets down and said they were almost there. Then there was a knock on my door. There she stood. She said "come meet the guys". I walked down my walkway and around the garage to see 17 people standing there. Her entire church group was there to move me. Never had I ever felt such love in my life.

They packed my whole entire house. The entire time they kept saying, "don't touch a thing, just tell us how you want it packed." And then they loaded it all up and moved it to my new place. Once there, I wasn't allowed to move a thing. I was just told "don't touch a thing, just tell us where to put it."

It took 2 hours, but my whole house was moved. And I never lifted a box, ever.

Their generousity completely caught me off guard. I was taken aback. I remember asking my friend about her church. I ended up going to church that night.....and was moved to tears.

So many people opened their hearts to me, opened up a day of their time to help me. And they didn't even know me!

A month later came Christmas. This same group bought Chris and I gifts. They gave us over $600 in gift cards, gifts, chocolate, decorations and most importantly a new bible.

I cracked that bible open that night and started reading Matthew. Within a week I read the scripture above. I cried and cried and knew right then I had found the place I needed to be. And I haven't looked back.

This verse calmed my fears. It gave me hope. It reminded me that there is hope. That things will be ok.

And friends....this is my testimony (the jist of it...I could make a whole new post just on my feelings at that particular time of my life). This is how I became a Christian, a follower of Christ, and a believer.

A little cleaning up.

2010-04-09T04:02:00.000-07:00

I am not a perfectionist by any means. I am not the cleanest person either.

As I get older I tend to get more and more annoyed with the uncleanliness of my home, the clutter of mess I have. Things I do not use, yet don't know what to do with them...really makes me horribly mad.

It's a anger I project completely on myself. I know it is.

When did I get like this?

It has to have been within the past few years. Because I can't remember a time where this mattered all that much.

I have been told I was a very organized child. Things had to be put away in the right places, my school folders were organized to my optimum capabilities. That I do agree with, because I have issues with my folders and binders for school, even now.

But when did I become like this and how?

I don't think it was an inherited thing from my parents. My Mom and Dad aren't the biggest clean freaks ever. They both "live" in their houses. I am sure they would love for whatever little mess they have to be more orderly, but they do not let it dictate their lives.

I, on the other hand, have anxiety attacks and get physically angry if my house isn't orderly.

And depression isn't helping this at all. I am depressed most of the time and have no desire to clean, yet I get mad when it isn't. Such a vicious cycle.

I am trying to make it somewhat easier on myself, taking on small challenges.

Yesterday was organizing a pile of papers on my desk. I organized them, and feel great. Tonight was picking up the clothes mess I made while trying to find something the other day. And tonight I feel better. Tomorrow will be the small pile on my rocking chair.

Slowly I will make it downstairs, only to have to restart all over :)

I am writing a book

2010-04-08T14:48:00.000-07:00

No really I am, seriously.

I am not sure anymore if anyone ever reads this blog. I am half tempted to stop. But I find it a bit therapeutic, so I will continue for awhile...

But anyways...

I am in fact writing a book. It's based a bit on my marriage with some other stuff thrown in so that it makes for a more interesting book. It's a long ways off, but I am plugging away at it.

Here is the jist of it.

This woman is married to a man. He was once successful, had a career...now their marriage is in turmoil. He has spent their savings, they live in ruins. She is a successful advertising woman, works hard. She decides she is going to leave him and start anew.
Then tragedy occurs. He overdoses and gets into a car accident. Now she is left to pick up the pieces yet again.

Thats what I have so far...for an idea.

What I learned this week...

2010-04-06T03:06:00.000-07:00

This honestly should be a post I put up on Sunday's. But you know life got in the way and what not. So here it is Tuesday, and I figured I should tell you what I learned.

1. You should get to church early on a holiday, otherwise your stuck up way in the rafters on the right, not really being able to see.

2. You know when you know something bother's your stomach, you probably shouldn't eat it. No matter how much you love it.

3. Being an adult is hard work, but it has to be done. Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.

4. Nothing should stand in your way of true happiness. Conquer whatever stands in your way, be fearless.

5. Sometimes those who you love will let you down, and not intentionally.

6. It's ok to cry.

7. Pets are like children, bring a new one into the house and the others get jealous.

8. You may not like your spouse 100% of the time, but you love them 100% of the time.

9. You know who your true friends are when your at your lowest.

10. Life isn't simple, its hard work. But it's worth it.

A Confession

2010-04-06T00:39:00.000-07:00

Now I don't believe in going into a little room, and spewing my confessions to a man. Be it that man is a priest, doesn't faze me at all. I just do not believe in that at all. I believe only in going straight to our Lord, Jesus Christ and asking for forgiveness. I just do not believe that a mere man who is still here on earth can have a direct connection to Jesus on my behalf. I think that connection should be between Jesus and I only.

That said, occasionally I voice my confessions to friends and family. Mainly in hopes that my "confession" will help someone else.

So here goes...

I am horribly ashamed that my bible has dust on it. Horribly ashamed. Now most people would say that it is just dust.

But that dust means so much more. It means I have not picked my bible up in a very long time. And for that I a m ashamed.

The Bible is the ultimate true written word from my Lord. He had it written down so that I could read it and absorb it, go back to it and see his word. And I haven't picked it up in so long.

I need to get my butt going, get it out of this ditch. And go back to where I belong. Right where Jesus wanted me, right where it belongs.

Little puppy snores

2010-03-30T04:59:00.001-07:00

It is almost 5 am and I am laying here in bed with one of Lady's sisters. I am laying here with Hannah. But we affectionately call her Hannah Montana.

She is alot like Lady, but also so different.

She is a gently soul, very quiet, very calm. She really doesn't get wound up. Lady was quiet too, affectionate, etc. but she could get wound up.

She is snuggling with me and has the most adorable snores. She is loud! Like sawing logs. Its so cute!

A love like no other...

2010-03-29T04:09:00.000-07:00

At some point throughout a person's life you come across a love that will sweep you off your feet, a love that touches your heart, a love that makes you a better person, and a love that simply puts a smile on your face.

Love is a funny thing. For me it isn't perfect by any means. I have had a couple of loves in my life. And I love every one of my friends for different reasons. I try to tell the people in my life that they mean the world to me and that I love them as often as I get to. It's important to me.

I simply do not want any regrets when I leave this world. I want those who knew me, whom I loved, to know I loved them. I want them to know they are special, that I thought the world of them. So I tell those loved ones. Daily sometimes.

Most people think that Chris and I say "I love you" just way too much. And sometimes I agree with that. But this has always been the way Chris and I have operated. I say it to him because I do love him. I may not be extremely head over heels madly in love with him 100% of the time, but I do love him. For various reasons (that I will leave for another day to explain).

I think love is tricky too. It's hard to explain, hard to understand. There are so many different levels of love. And most are not in tune with their relationships or even the word love to grasp what the word even means. It is thrown around so blindly and so willy nilly that the word almost doesn't mean anything anymore.

For me that is so extremely sad. Because love means alot to me. And when I love, I love with my whole heart, as much as I possibly can. I never say I love someone unless I truely mean it, unless I want that person to understand what they mean to me.

Like I said, I have had a couple of loves. A few maybe. And these are loves like no other. They all had different meanings to me, all go back to different stages of my life.

There was Chad...

My first real boyfriend, first real relationship. And he broke my heart. We were just freshmen in highschool. So really it was kid love. And looking back on it, well, it was quite comical. But I don't regret using that word. He is an important part of my past. He came into my life when I was entering highschool, entering a life changing part of my life. And he was geniunely a good guy.

Then there was Tom...

Now this relationship was extremely important to me. I would be lying if I said I never thought of him anymore. I still do every now and then. Tom was older than I was, and held the key to independence and adulthood, or so I thought. He was 21 and I was 18. I was a senior in high school, and dating him gave me instant popularity. I was the girl dating a guy out of high school. To girls, I was dating a babe. To guys, I must have had something if a older guy wanted to date me. Tom is also who I lost my virginity to. And even as a Christian now, I don't regret it.

And finally there is Chris...

I hated him when I first met him. Loathed him. Couldn't stand him. And then something changed. I still don't know what it was. We haven't had the greatest relationship. There have been fights, drug use (his part) and other issues. But we have survived. We have gotten through it at. It's a relationship I simply can not explain.

I guess in all of this, what I have been trying to explain is that every love is like no other. There are many loves in a person's life. And they are all different. They don't have to be that of a sexual nature either. Love comes in many different shapes, sizes and colors. You have to make your own definition of love. Have to figure out each level. Its up to you to find it, catch it and hold onto it. To find a love like no other is up to you.

Friday Came and Went

2010-03-27T02:24:00.000-07:00

And I didn't blog. O no.

Ehh, such is life.

Nothing exciting has happened in the past day. I got a new desk at work. Um ya not so cool.

I now sit way way over on the other side of the abyss. And I face a walk way. One that people use to walk by me every 2 minutes. I never get any work done in my little cubicle now.

See I wear ear buds and listen to music as I work. I don't have to talk to anyone. Which can be good or bad, depending on the day. But yet I see people...not like dead people like in that movie, but people. I can't hear them, but they walk by.

So as I am typing, listening to a talk show or music, someone walks by. And I instantly look up.

It's actually annoying. Very annoying. I can't stop looking up. And then I lose my place in what I was typing at that moment. And because I was supposed to be a blond, it takes me a few seconds to figure out what I am doing and where I am! Again, highly annoying. Or maybe that last part is a sign of old age and not my intellect. Hmm...interesting.

But where was I going with this? O ya, so I got my new desk. I desk share with someone, he uses the desk during the day and I do at night. I know who he is and actually went through training with him. And then he asked to be transferred to day shift. But I swear I didn't scare him off, ok maybe I did (looks around innocently). But anyways I thought of leaving him harassing notes. Maybe saran wrap the keyboard. You know funny stuff. he he.

I unpacked all my things, put up my pictures on the cork board (before he could...because dang it I want the cork board!). And settled in.

I have a picture of my niece, my brother serving overseas, one of me and a giraffe, my husband and I on our wedding day, one of my best friend in high school and I, and then one of my cat Cleo.

And then I have my license up (not my driver's license, my license to "practice" pharmacy lol). And then some random other nonsense that really doesn't matter. Because we all know this pointless post on this blog really mattered!

Thankful Thursday

2010-03-25T04:22:00.000-07:00

It's Thursday and there are so many things I am thankful for. But today I want to just talk about one thing in particular I am thankful for.

I am thankful that I am able to afford to partake in a bible study. Just a little of a year ago there was no way I could afford such items. I wanted to join a bible study so badly but couldn't afford the study guides associated with them.

However this time around I can. Instead of using the money to buy things I just don't need, ie. fast food. I am putting the money into my future. Along with the bible study books I am also getting 2 books to help me follow a Levitical diet. Please visit my friend Hallee's website. Here she talks a bit in depth about it in a way that makes sense.

I am going to research this diet and most likely start following it shortly after receiving the books I ordered in the mail. Most wonder why I all of a sudden want to do this. Well for one, certain foods are beginning to tear my stomach up. I can not eat diary lately without feeling like my stomach is going to rip out of my abdomen and I am in constant pain with certain foods. Overall I feel horrible. And from what I had read, this seems like an answer. So I will be researching it. I also look at it as a new way to honor God's wishes, he clearly states in the Bible what it was he wanted for his children.

So I am extremely thankful that the circumstances right now allow me to buy these valuable books that will help me. I look at it as an extremely valuable and important part of my future.

I hope to share soon about each book.

Off to finish Michael J. Fox's memoir as quick as I can!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-24T04:29:00.000-07:00

To give us all a smile, this week's wordless Wednesday comes courtesy of a friend. One who sent this to my work email in hopes of making me smile. It make me smile and brought a tear to my eye...

Excited!

2010-03-23T03:43:00.000-07:00

I have something to look forward to!

Starting May 1st I will be participating in a bible study!!! YAY! I am so excited.

I "met" this fellow blogger back on a baby website a few years ago. Back when Chris and I were trying to conceive I found this website and message board and developed alot of lasting friendships. This one particular member always struck me as someone strong in her convictions and I honestly was inspired. She was part of the puzzle that helped me find my way back to the Lord.

I stopped going to the website after Chris and I couldn't conceive. I was sort of lost and hurt and really didn't want to visit a baby website.

And a few days ago on Face book it was "recommended" I become a fan of a particular person named Hallee the homemaker. Honestly I didn't even know who the person was..but I became a "friend" because I saw a few of my friends were her friend. You know the age old face book nonsense, become a friend because your friend is a friend. blah blah. lol

A day later I really investigated because I was annoyed that I couldn't figure out who this person was, although the name sounded familiar. I searched her profile and found her website, Hallee the Homemaker. And wham I knew who it was. It was the woman that I admired so much!

I sent her a email and have become a reader of her site. She is a good Christian woman, who is faithful to her Lord, husband, children and home. I admire her so much. She is honestly one of the most Godly women I have ever met. I recommend reading her site and following her. It's worth the time and commitment. I am following her advice, looking into the diet that her family follows and the life they lead.

She doesn't know how much it's inspiring me, and the God brought her into my life (in the strangest way, via the internet) so that I can follow his steps, his words, his life. But I hope that maybe by me putting her info here, she can help another become yet another child and follower of Christ.

So if you all are able to, trot on over to her site. If you can also become involved in the bible study. It's going to be good!

Here is the bible study, The Power of a Praying Wife. And there is a great deal on the book and workbook on Barnes and Noble.

So please join us. It will be so much fun!

God Bless and Hugs,

Just another day...

2010-03-22T01:49:00.000-07:00

I am depressed.

Ok I put it out there. Things should get better right? Acknowledging it is half the battle right?

I have let my life fall apart piece by piece. I have given up alot of things that I have loved. Stopped doing things that made me happy.

I am not exactly sure why, but I have.

All because I am depressed and down. And not wanting to deal with things.

I sleep all day, go to work, come home, and hide behind this screen. I don't do anything. I don't cook, clean, nothing. I just barely exist.

Today tho I took a step. I cleaned my kitchen, did all the dishes. Dishes that had been sitting there for far longer than they should have. And now I have White Chicken Chili in the crockpot.

Tomorrow I will work on my bedroom. Then the next day my living room. One step at a time is what I am doing.

So if you happen to read this...which I am sure no one really does...leave me a comment...tell me your tricks to clean things, keep things clean, how you have a schedule...whatever it is that gets you up and motivated. I could use the inspiration.

Sleep, where for out tho sleep?

2010-03-20T03:40:00.000-07:00

I just want to sleep...

I can't seem to get back onto a good sleep cycle. I have no idea how in the world it became so wonky, but it did. And now I am up for hours on end, wishing, praying, pretending to sleep. It's quite exhausting...but not exhausting enough to ACTUALLY SLEEP!

So I am here, online, searching. I am researching a Leviticus diet. I am quite intrigued by it and am contemplating beginning it. It looks like something my body, mind, heart and soul needs. A true declaration to God. And then the health benefits are just HUGE.

I have a suggestion for a book to read, and I am also researching online. I would like to go see if the library at church has the book or books I need. I really am interested in finding all I can about this "diet" or way of living.

From what I gather, it is a way of life. It's a new beginning. Exactly what I need.

But back to the topic at hand....I am so sleepy, but just can't sleep! I took a vicodin and soma, hoping it will relax my neck and as a added benefit maybe knock me out. No such luck. And apparently it doesn't mess with my brain that much because I can still form complete sentences. And I don't sound like a raving lunatic right now. Unlike most days :)

Anyways...off to count sheep...or kittens...or puppy dogs...or whatever it is they tell you to count. Great, I can't even get that right. No wonder I can't sleep.

Here I am

2010-03-18T02:17:00.001-07:00

In my last blog post I posted that Ladybird had died. So much has happened since then.

1. I started that new job, and am liking it.
2. I have made some new friends at said job, and even recruited some old friends to come work with me. And I am loving it.
3. I found what I want to be when I "grow up". I decided to jump ahead and throw myself into studies to become a Physician's Assistant. I feel like I can truly help people this way. And I can also do a secret dream I have had for a long time. I would love to go on a missionary to another country and help.
4. I have found my love for reading again. I am knee deep in "The Time Traveler's Wife". And I have about 4 others to read next.
5. I have felt so lost, spiritually. I stumbled across a blog written by someone who led me to fit the pieces of the puzzle together and ultimately won my heart to Christ. Be aware, that this blog will from now on be ultimately about my path, my life, everything...but Christ will be the center of it and I will be discussing it.
6. Chris has become increasingly quiet and withdrawn. Which sometimes can be ok, but for someone with BiPolar, it isn't. I am trying very hard to get back the Chris I knew, and fell in love with.
7. My brother is on his 4th deployment, so many prayers are said for him everyday.

I think that's about it. I know there is so much more, but I just wanted to give you a update.

And yes I still think of Ladybird every single day. She was and is my baby. And I miss her. But God is helping heal my heart.

Missing Ladybird,
Angel

I haven't been here for awhile...

2009-12-06T21:47:00.000-08:00

I haven't been here for awhile. And for a good reason. But I was on facebook and my brother said something about a thought provoking website..funny that I should think of this place.

I haven't been here for a good reason...

This place is titled "You say Hotdog, I say Huttdog." It was titled that way for a number of reasons, but the main reason was because of my little wiener dog, Ladybird.

I found it hilarious to come here and talk about her every once in a great while and also about my adventures. I found it hilarious that I titled it that way as well.

But on November 21st something horrific happened. Something that wouldn't allow me to come here until now.

I lost Ladybird. She died on November 21st.

I am truely lost without her and unsure how much I will be here to post. I will try...but I may even start up a new blog. Who really knows. For now tho I am leaving everything here in hopes that someday I can come back and read about the things that were happening in my life when she was alive.

For now I will leave this here...hopefully come back to tell you all the story about her life and death. For now I will mourn her death...with her sitting beside me on the nightstand (I had her cremated).

RIP
Ladybird Elizabeth Fyffe-Allard

I can't make this up even if I tried...

2009-11-11T00:54:00.000-08:00

Today is a calamity of randomness.

First off I slept until 12:35pm. Yes you read that right. I forgot to set the alarm on my phone. So I just slept and slept. I woke up in a panic and screamed to Chris downstairs. He came trudging up the steps and asked me what. I said, " why the heck didn't you wake me up!?" And he stated he knew I was tired. And then I proceeded to scramble in a hurry to get things done. I kept muttering that I had things to do and I wish he would have woke me up.

And then the mountain of laundry has begun.

And then I had to run to the pharmacy to pick up Chris' morphine. Yeah he is on morphine. *sigh*

And then I had to run to work.

And halfway through the first class I remembered that I hadn't eaten or dranken anything. So my sugar started to crash.

So then I had to find money for a coke.

And then I got off work....

And found somewhere to eat....

And now I am home.

I never said this would be an exciting blog.

sigh ok he is cool...

2009-11-06T20:09:00.000-08:00

I am now getting hate mail. HATE MAIL! Can you believe that? Little ole me getting hate mail? Such a travesty! This is either a post you will understand or not give a rats tail end about.*

I offended some international hate group (ok, not so much a group because it only is made up of one person, but shit she is in Canada and I am sure she can get a load of them rounded up to kick my ass). This group is EXTREMELY pro-Karate Kid. Yes you heard me right, Karate Kid.

Yes I realize that I must have said something horrific to piss off someone who loves a movie that came out, what a million years ago? I guess I did.

My life is over. Truely over. I pissed someone off that loves some geeky, weird shirt wearing, teenager. I offended them so much that I need to fear for my life.

I have since taken up in the witness protection program. They made a special circumstance for me and allowed me into the group. Seen as how I really didn't witness anything they made room for me. They said they didn't want to piss of the Canadians. I said, "eh, fine find me a cool crib to live in."

So now I am sitting here in this crap fest of a house. Somehow I think the Canadian won.

I should probally appologize. She is really smart and I bet she will find me. Crap. Ok fine, he is cool.

*Betcha only Sara cares...

I just wasted about 10 minutes on something that doesn't exist

2009-10-27T11:42:00.000-07:00

I lay in bed last night thinking about things that apparently do not exist.

So I researched it today on the net. Cause I am a researcher and all bad ass and totally want to be ever smarter.

But it didn't exist at all.

I was thinking about how I just started my period and here Lady has been in heat for a week. I wondered if pheromones ever made that species break. Like do we sense each others pheromones. Not in the sense of like getting it on, but for females. Like do we sense one is ovulating, going into heat, whatever. Cause you know that women do that when we get together for long periods of time.

Well apparently what I was wondering doesn't even exist. It can't happen. So it just so happens and is purely a coincidence that this happens to Lady and I.

Whatever.

Fine I won't be a scientist....and I should probally lay off the Vicodin at night.

The pitter patter of my heart

2009-10-25T20:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the day from hell, quite literally. My head felt like someone had kicked me in the back of it. Kinda like those karate kicks. Not Karate Kid like, cause well thats so 80's and kinda gay. But like Jett Lee or Jackie Chan, all bad ass and totally painful.

I laid in bed all day. Yes all day. And it wasn't one of those days where hot men feed you grapes as you lay all queen-like on a beautiful fluffy couch with a pillow under one arm. And hot sweat glistening men feed you grapes. No it was one of those, if I move one inch I just may die.

So Saturday was completely shot. I only ventured down stairs and out the front door to go get Chris Mc Donalds. Because I am so bad ass and such a great wife that I feed my husband greasy nasty fried mess. I am waiting for my nomination, go ahead nominate me...I will work on my acceptance speech.

My Mother called me late last night and asked me if I would like to go to the State Fair. I said why not. Admission fare had dropped to a reasonable rate, where I wouldn't need to morgage a house or take a loan out or hell even sell my good kidney. We decided to go ahead and go.

We were walking around looking at the exhibits and whatnot. It's amazing what a $30 jar of jewelry cleaner will clean. And how about that band you wrap around your wrist? It's made of velcro and somehow cures MS. Holy crap!

But then the pitter patter of my heart began to beat even faster.
This is what I saw...

and

Its Peter Facinelli.

Who is that? Well here he is to refresh your memory.

He is the guy in the middle.....Carlisle Cullen.

I SAW him!!!!
And got this...

OMG I am in heaven. Staring at his picture on my desk right now.

He was at the fair doing some autograph signing. I found out about it at the last minute and dragged Chris over to get his autograph. Poor Chris was the only male, besides Peter and his body guards, for at least a two block radius.

Thoughts of running away with him went through my mind. Having his love child, doing naughty things too. But then he rode away on a golf cart. And then I saw his wife....

JENNIE GARTH!!!

You know, Kelly from 90210!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am super cool. Totally cool cause I didn't bomb rush her. I let her walk by me, let her be awesome. Cause she had her daughter.

So I had like the day to be all days! I am so cool!

At a fork in the road

2009-10-11T21:00:00.000-07:00

There comes a time in every person's life where we come to a cross road or a fork in the road.

We wonder if we should achieve more, if we should be greatful for what we have, if we really do have it all.

We relish in the things that we have seen, done, and spent time on. We remember all the times we spent with family, laughing, crying and even arguing. We think back on little things that happened, things that may have not even meant anything to anyone, but it did to us.

And we enter this fork in the road.

Which path do we choose? Do we continue on with what we are doing? Do we go to the right with one decision? Or do we go to the left with a different decision?

No matter the way, it will have trials and tribulations. It will have reprocussions. It will have heartache. And it will have madness.

But it also could have happiness, new beginnings, new endings, and new memories.

So which road do we choose?

Spilled Soda

2009-10-11T20:49:00.000-07:00

Today is just another day in the world, but it was a nice day for me. The weather is beautiful and its so nice to have the window's open, allowing the great beautiful air into the house.

Ok probally not beautiful, but it's nice to have fresh air in the house.

I got alot done, for once.

So much done. Macaroni salad made, dishes washed, kichen cleaned, living room cleaned, floors vacummed and steam mopped, everything dusted and in its place. It's so nice to have a clean house. It makes you feel good to be around clean things. I hope it gets Chris out of his funk as well as mine.

So spilled soda? What does that have to do with anything?

Chris spilled soda on the tile floor in the living room. He didn't clean it up so well, so it made a huge mess. Thank goodness for the shark steam mop.

You've disappointed me (you in general, not you reading this...you know who you are)

2009-10-08T00:40:00.000-07:00

I go to your blog...EVERY SINGLE DAY. I search for your next escapade...EVERY SINGLE DAY. I get a message from you "Blog you nut, you haven't blogged!!"

Yet I go to your blog and you have nothing. No funny story, no quirky anadotes, no inspiring words of wisdom...NOTHING.

My day is not complete without visiting your blog, yet there is NOTHING for me to read.

Do you know how busy I am? Don't you know that I visit your blog EVERY SINGLE DAY in hopes of laughing and then I get NOTHING?

BLOG!!!!

The weater is cooling, leaves are falling...

2009-10-06T13:49:00.000-07:00

And I think I am getting sick.

YIPEEEE!

So these dimwit students of mine are sick. I teach 2 different subjects (Anti-infectives and the Micro-Computers). Both of which are extremely interesting...NOT! One class I actually teach twice, so I have them for both classes. Then I teach a third hour to a completely different set of students. The first two hours of class, the student population is small and we are in a huge classroom. Or maybe its just a big class and the room is so big they seem small? Or maybe I am teaching midgets? OOOO now that is cool!

The third hour I am teaching a large class (maybe giants?). This group of students consists of 19 people. They are all crammed in a very small classroom with the other instructor for 2 classes. These poor students are in like a incubator. I call them my incubator students.

Half of them are sick, throwing up, etc. You think these morons would stay home? Nope they come to class and share the sickness. And now I think they shared it with me!!

FRIGGIN FRACKING!!! I don't want to be sick. I don't have time for this. My ear hurts and is popping. Great! My body aches. UGGH!!!

Can someone come teach these morons? It's easy, promise.

An afternoon of bliss...

2009-10-04T20:08:00.000-07:00

Cleaning bliss that is.

I moved all my bedroom furniture around all by myself. And then I cleaned the entire room. And when I say cleaned, I say cleaned.

I vaccummed, dusted, cleaned behind furniture, reorganized the nightstand drawers, threw away some things I just don't need anymore, etc.

Basically a deep clean.

It's so lethargic to see a nice and tidy room, one the is clean, dustless, and smells all purty.

One word

2009-10-03T00:28:00.000-07:00

I stole this off another blog I go to. Give it a whirl, it might be fun :)

Answer each question with ONLY ONE WORD. You can elaborate or explain an answer only if asked.

1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your hair? Down
3. Your mother? Crazy
4. Your father? Funny
5. Your favorite food? Mexican
6. Your dream last night? unmemorable
7. Your favorite drink? Coke
8. Your dream/goal? Peace
9. What room are you in? Bedroom
10. Your hobby? Reading
11. Your fear? Real
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy
13. Where were you last night? Bed
14. Something that you aren’t? Patient
15. Muffins? Sure
16. Wish list item? Vacation
17. Where did you grow up? phoenix
18. Last thing you did? TV
19. What are you wearing? shorts
20. Your TV? On
21. Your pets? Crazy
22. Friends? Fantabulous!
23. Your life? Mess
24. Your mood? Blah
25. Missing someone? Yep
26. Vehicle? Chevy
27. Something you’re not wearing? Thong
28. Your favorite store? Target
29. Your favorite color? Red
30. When was the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Tonight
32. Your best friend? Funny
33. One place that I go to over and over? Work
34. One person who emails me regularly? APS
35. Favorite place to eat? Restaurant

I tag all of you. What's your word?

Just for you, Sara...Insurance Companies Suck!

2009-09-30T03:33:00.000-07:00

Here is a blog post just for Sara, who mentions that I am neglecting my posts ;)

I get a phone call today, explaining that my auto insurance has lapsed. Huh? How can it lapse? I am on direct withdrawl from my checking account, just so this won't happen!

The stupid insurance company didn't take the money out of my account, like I had thought. First they tell me it's because of insufficient fund (lie, total lie, I had way more money in the account than the stupid payment) and then next it's my account was closed (lie again). I am so freaking mad at them its ridiculous.

So I highly suggest staying completely away from Progressive Auto Insurance.

The dream that has me wondering.

2009-09-22T02:41:00.000-07:00

I had a very disturbing dream. I am still thinking about it here 24 hours afterwards.

So I was dreaming about being on a boat. It was a huge boat with rooms, and bathrooms, and all kinds of things. I remember it being big, probably like Titanic big, but not as glamorous. But sink worthy just like the Titanic.

So I am on this boat. I remember being on it with some friends. I can picture them, but don't know their names. And I was with my father. Why of all people in the world he was there, I wasn't sure but at the end of the dream I understood why.

We are having drinks, laughing, having a good time.

Suddenly the boat breaks in half, starts to sink, as we are just there laughing and having a good time. Next thing I know my Dad is getting into this truck that drives under water. In the seat is my dog, Lady. She is telling me (yes telling me, cause apparently in this bizarroland she can talk), that I need to hightail it and run towards her.

I take off running towards her, cause wouldn't you? If your little bitty dog is talking wouldn't you be all, "dude my dog is talking."

Then suddenly we are underwater. I am running on the floor of the ocean towards the truck. People are acting weird and not even worried they are underwater. My Dad is attaching a rope to the truck. The rope is tied to the boat and he is going to pull it to shore. Cause his truck is like monster truck strong and can pull a truck the size of the Titanic.

And I am then sitting in the truck saying, "dude this crap is weird, no one cares." And my Dad says, "they don't care because of the booze."

Booze? Who the heck knows. I was confused then and still am.

So he pulls the boat to the shore and then the people are mad at him. Mad cause they are underwater people who like the water. So they start to throw seaweed at him.

Then I woke up.

Do you think that Vicodin I took before bed had any effect?

Call Animal 911!

2009-09-20T19:20:00.000-07:00

Quite often I am amazed at the antics of my animals. Brace yourself, I talk about them often enough to just almost step over the line into "Crazy Pet Lady". I am very careful with that. I don't want my legacy on this world to be "The Lady who wouldn't shut up about her animals".

So where was I? O yes, my animals.

So I am here watching the dearly departed Patrick Swayze's all-time most sexiest movie, Dirty Dancing. I look over to find Chester (my male cat) with his face shoved into the blanket. Gosh his life must be so overly devestating if he thinks his best way to go is to suffocate himself in my blanket.

The poor little guy. Ok he isn't so little. I took him to the vet a few years ago, had his manhood taken away, and he blew up. Blew up to about 20 pounds. I have a 20 pound cat, whose manhood is gone, he is slower than molasses, and now is shoving his face into my blanket. Think I should be concerned?

Free tickets sound good, in the beginning...

2009-09-19T21:30:00.001-07:00

So tonight I gathered up the posse. And when I say posse I mean my husband, mother and her boyfriend. I am such a badass, ain't I?

We went to yet another Arizona Diamondbacks game. This time our free tickets came with exceptional seats. Exceptional, I say! I could literally touch the wall between the stands and the field. It was beyond awesome.

That was until we sat down. The seats were angled in the most craziest way EVER. You had to turn your neck just right where you thought either your head is going to fall off or you just might NEVER get to turn your head again EVER!

So ok the seats are not in the greatest place like I thought. But that wasn't the only thing! Then we get to sit next to these pre-madonna's who think they are the queen bee's. Uggh! They reeked of nasty perfume. Chris said he thought many times of throwing up.

To top it all off, the Diamonbacks lost again! This makes the third game we have gone to where they lose. Now someone in their right mind may say, "maybe we shouldn't go to a game again. We are bad luck." But in my world I blame it all on my husband and tell him it's all his fault, where he in turn tell's me it's my fault.

And then I say, "well fine then. I'm gonna take back your matchy matchy shirt!"

I bought us matching Diamondback shirts during a moment of weakness and much less clarity then normal. Never in the 11 years he and I have been together have I ever bought us matching anything. So why now of all day's did I think it was a good idea to purchase matching t-shirts? I blame it on the hotdogs. Yep, the hotdogs. It's the drugs they put in those things.

Frisky Friday with a freakish twist

2009-09-18T01:57:00.000-07:00

This sorta freaks me out.

Go ahead and tell on me punk!

2009-09-18T01:32:00.000-07:00

I seriously am not sure how much more of this particular student I can take.

For those who do not know, I teach now. I teach at a technical college, teaching a pharmacy technician program. I absolutely love doing it. It's so nice to teach people something that I have been doing for a long time. Never did I think I would actually end up teaching anyone, let alone college students.

It's been fun and challenging, but a good challenging. Good until I have to deal with this one particular student.

We will call him Howard.

Howard is intelligent, he does work hard, I give him that much credit. But he is a pain in the ass.

Everything is a fight with him. I don't give him what is going to be on the test, so he fails. I set him up to fail. I must be out to get him. I give him books with the print so small he can't see them. I give him tests that are hard. I do this, I do that.

First of all I do not write the tests. They are written by the program manager. She writes the curriculum and also any tests or practicals. I just administer the tests she writes. I teach the curriculum and add in my own takes on things.

Last night this Howard person complains that I didn't give him a book during computer class. I stood up at the front of the class and said if anyone needed a book to let me know, I had a couple. Also to raise their hands to let me know when they finished a lesson. Not once did this student raise his hand to ask me for a book or to state he finished the lesson.

But somehow he says that I refused to help him or to "teach" him. So he runs off to tell my boss, the director, on me. Then he sits there for the remainder of class with a smug look on his face and looks down his nose at me.

I really could just smack the crap out of him.

What's absolutely hilarious is that his "girlfriend" sits next to him in class. While he was telling on me, she came up to me to tell me that he was telling on me and that she thought it was ridiculous that he was.

So I say go ahead and tell on me punk. Remember I am the teacher, I could make your life a living hell if I wanted to.....

My husbands anti-everything on the computer...

2009-09-14T00:10:00.000-07:00

He really is! I can't mess with him like other wives mess with their husbands.

He doesn't like:

Facebook- "I have to start a profile, then remember a password? No thanks, thats too much work."

Myspace- "I have a myspace, but I forgot the password"

Emails- "Its that password thing..."

So then I mention that I could write these "passwords" down next to the computer...

And he say's "But don't I have to have a password to get on the computer?"

*head hits desk*

So I guess I have a husband who won't be entertaining, let me make fun of him but pestering him on the interwebs, or engage in online love comments to me. But I do guess there is some kind of secret thrill with knowing I can say whatever I want without him ever seeing it. *insert evil grin and laugh*

Must have been Monday

2009-09-13T21:05:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday and I really wish that this weekend wasn't almost over. I am still tired!

Because I have a long week ahead of me, I am posting my Monday blog tonight.

Monday's are devoted to things that just don't make sense. I can't explain them...but its Monday, and crazy stuff happens on Mondays.

So for this first Monday blog, I have no clue what to say about this. You leave a comment, tell me what to say....I am lost for words.

Feeling Frisky Friday

2009-09-04T20:39:00.000-07:00

This day totally sucked

2009-09-04T02:45:00.000-07:00

Well it's almost 3 am. I am not talking about today for reals, I mean yesterday. But because I haven't gone to sleep, we will just say it's today. And if you don't like it, well tough shit to you. This is my blog, not your's so there.

I am sitting here at 3 am listening to the dryer finish drying the clothes, to the movie Cider House Rules, and to the hum of this computer. I was reading a very funny blog with some ramblings from a woman I think just may be half insane or just plain hilarious. I haven't decided which.

What's the point here? Well I totally was going to get to it but I got side tracked with the thoughts of trying to tell you about this blogger.

Crap now I can't remember.... uggh!

So maybe I will just give you a snip it of my marriage...

*phone rings (I am in the car, calling Chris at home)*

Chris: hello

Me: Hey did you find that drink in the bag?

Chris: Drink? What drink and what bag?

Me: You know the bag I gave you with the grapes?

Chris: You gave me grapes? When?

Me: It was like this morning. Don't you remember?

Chris: Are you on crack? Have you run into a lamp pole? You didn't give me any grapes.

Me: O yes I did. I did it this morning, right after I had to scoop poop off the bed cause Lady pooped on the bed.

Chris: Now I know your really high. Lady has never pooped on the bed.

Me: O yeah she did, I had to scoop it off. I know she did.

Chris: Your hurting my head...

Me: You should probally take some medicine for that. But I am telling you I had to scoop it off, then I threw it on the floor.

Chris: Since when do you scoop poop off the bed and throw it on the floor? Seriously

Me: Well it happened today, I am telling you. You don't believe me? Why would I lie?

Chris: I am not saying your lying, I am saying you have lost your freaking mind.

Me: No you lost yours. You think I am messing with you. Why would I? I woke up, scooped poop and then gave you grapes.

Chris: And where did you get the grapes?

Me: I got them at the store, silly. Right after I scooped the poop.

Chris: *sigh*

Me: So have you found it yet?

Chris: Found what? The poop?

Me: Not the poop! Don't you remember what we were talking about?

Chris: No, you are rambling and I have a headache

Me: I told you to take medicine. God why don't you ever listen to me?

Chris: I try but then you talk.

Me: Your mean. I don't like you. Forget I called. Don't eat the grapes. I poisoned them.

Chris: You poisoned them?

Me: Yep

Chris: And when did this happen?

Me: After I gave you the drink.

Chris: What drink?

Me: The one you were supposed to be looking for in the bag with the grapes.

Chris: *sigh* I don't know what to do with you...

Do I have a baby no one told me about?

2009-08-29T19:12:00.000-07:00

Chris got the mail today...

And came upstairs to give it to me. Apparently I got a package...

Inside it was 2 cans of formula. Formula for a baby. A baby I am quite sure I don't have. And the letter inside was talking about the baby I just had, and how every new mom should try this formula.

So I ask, because I know I have been working alot of hours, did I give birth? Was I in the hospital?

What in the world is going on? LOL

All chewed up...

2009-03-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

That is what my cell phone is right now. Lady got ahold of it last night and chewed it up. Which is sooo NOT her! She never does this kind of stuff, so I can't figure out what the heck got into her.

The phone is still able to be operated, but the back is missing. So I have to hold the battery in...I sure hope I don't get some rare cellphone brain cancer from holding it up to my head. And the screen is all jacked up....O and the hinges on it are hanging on.

Its really a very ghetto looking phone now. And I can't afford one for awhile, so this should be fun.

Seriously what got into her?

Been a long time...

2009-03-25T22:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time. Yes I know. Life gets out of control sometimes.

Lets see whats been going on...

-Chris and I lost our home.
-I found us a church.
-We were baptized.
-Chris got disability, so we are doing better.
-I am attending church each week.
-I have a bible study group I attend.
-I also go to a neighborhood group night.

Nothing much is going on. I hope to have more when I think of it. If you have hung on this long, thank you so much for being patient.

Love and Hugs

Pay it Forward

2008-10-08T13:57:00.000-07:00

So I entered this contest on another blog. And I won! Soooo I am going to host my own right here right now.

THe way this works is, you comment on this post. I am going to ask a question, just answer it to the best of your ability. Come the closing time of the contest I will use a random number picker. If your post is that number, you win! Simple as pie right?

So the infamous question,

Is the grass always greener on the other side?

You have until October 17th at 2:00pm Arizona time to answer!

It's been awhile

2008-10-08T13:54:00.001-07:00

Alot of crap has hit the fan, and it's too much to list here right now. I just can't list it all.

But I wanted to say I am here, I am alive, and I will try to post more often.

Is this bad?

2008-09-09T22:25:00.000-07:00

Is it bad to want a mop for Christmas? LOL. I am being serious. I can't think of a thing I would want, but I do want a new mop for my kitchen. One of those sponge ones, not the mop ones with the white rope thingy's.

So is it bad?

Be honest...

My shopping trip!

2008-09-04T22:55:00.001-07:00

I got 4 prescriptions filled, had a CVS coupon and a Frys coupon. I was at Frys and they accept competitors coupons.

So I paid $16 for 4 rx's got $85 in store gift cards.

I went shopping

3 containers of pringles
1 Mama Bella Garlic Toast
6 2-Liters of soda (for Chris)
1 Gallon of Orange Juice
2 Gallons of Milk
4 Totinos party pizza's
2 Dole Mandarin Orange Fruit cup packages
2 4-roll packs of Angel Soft TP
1 4-roll pack of Charmin TP
4 packages of pastrami
1 16 slices package of cheese
1 16oz package of ham
1 16oz package of turkey
$7 worth of pork tenderloin
1 Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cereal
1 Just bunches cereal
2 packages of dog treats
3 cans of Mighty dog
4 frozen Michelinas meals
4 frozen Banquet meals
6 Yoplait yogurts
1 magazine, to drown my sorrows in
2 loafs of Sara Lee 100% whole grain bread
1 package of swiss cake rolls
1 package of honey buns
2.05 lbs of bananas

I redeemed part of the gift card money, then gave her my coupons....

She ended up giving me $17.86 back.

So for $146.01 of food, $16.00 in rx's...I made $1.86!!!

I saved 115%

Man thank god I had this today. It made my day!

The joys of being a student?

2008-08-31T19:54:00.000-07:00

As I sat in the lab portion of my Anatomy class I pondered why I was really there. I even jotted down in my notes, "what the hell have I gotten myself into?"

First of all, I anticipated being in a class full of students fresh out of high school. That was false. From what I can tell just one girl is fresh out of high school, and she is not at all one of those students. You know what I mean. From everything I can tell she actually wants to be there to learn.

Also I anticipated some diversity. False again. The class is all women. Yep all women. Poor poor instructor is male. He is out numbered. I suspect we all will pass the class. He he

Besides those two obervations I have nothing else to add about the class. It's still too soon to figure it out.

I am however in piles of things to do for the class. Alot of memorization and refreshing my mind. I am still amazed that I was able to teach my lab partners the different bones. I thought for certain I had forgot.

2 days...What the hell am I thinking?

2008-08-27T02:25:00.000-07:00

2 lucky and glorious days left until I am blessed enough to be sitting in a room with 50 other people pondering why in the hell I decided to take Human Anatomy & Physiology. Now you know they are asking themselves the same damn question.

The look of desperation and anxiety is clearly written on their faces. Just take a good look at them. They are the ones that turn around, look at everyone before class begins, hoping they see someone they know. But you never find someone you know. Because in reality your the moron of your group who decided that taking this upper level course would be fun. Pfft. Like I said, moron.

But have no fears. I am sitting in that same class as you. I look around too, scoping out the place, wondering who I can hit up to be a lab partner or study buddy. More often than not I never find a soul. Usually the class is filled with some kids fresh out of high school who only got into this class on a technicality because they "took" some other class in high school. And always they are the ones that drop like flies because who really cares if you pass or fail when Daddy is paying for your class. Bitter? Who me? Never.

So here I will be the oldie out of the class. The one who really really needs to pass the class and can not be bothered with "kids" goofing around in lab or lecture. My nose in a book is what I will be. I will have to hit up my friends, who thought their Anatomy lingo was long gone after they graduated, to quiz me and run thru my note cards with me. *snicker* But nope, they will be roped into helping me.

Until then I must sleep. Must sleep and get whatever sleep I can get, because hell or high water I am going to show all those "kids" that an oldie can get an A!

Lack of Creativity

2008-08-22T23:40:00.000-07:00

Its 11:41pm here. I have the olympics on in the back ground. I hear the hum of the air conditioner. It's peaceful. The husband is asleep..all is well in the world.

But I am lacking some creativity. I noticed today that I am not being creative anymore. I used to paint, scrapbook, draw, write...the whole 9 yards. But lately I am just a blah. Nothing is getting me motivated to be creative. I wish I could get out of this funk.

I haven't even blogged in awhile. I haven't had anything to share, nothing worth plastering out here to the world. It is quite sad. I find it sad at least. Do you?

I am sorry that this is the most boring blog ever. I have just been in a funk, not sure what is going on, but it's a funk that I am not sure will have a end in sight. I am just taking it day by day. And thankfully my ever wonderful friend C is able to make me laugh. Without her I would just be a bump on a log.

On a lighter note...7 days until classes start. Im very indifferent to the whole thing. Ask me in 7 days how I feel. Maybe I will be nervous. I am trying not to be because then my stomach gets in knots and its a VERY unpleasant thing. My anxiety tends to show up in nasty stomach issues. Too much information I know. But hey what the hell else am I gonna blog about?

In 9 days

2008-08-20T01:14:00.000-07:00

In 9 days I will be returning back to the grind. Back to the grind of studying, worrying about grades, tests and all that other nonsense. I am returning back to school.

I decided a couple of months ago that I needed to further my schooling in order to get a better job. Better in the sense of monetary wise. Better as a whole? Maybe, but I have yet to find that out.

I am scared of making a transition, I don't transition or accept change all that well. I like the comfort and sanctity of a normal life. I can't remember half the time what I need to do, why screw with what my body does on autopilot?

I am sure that the blogs will slow down a bit, maybe even halt for awhile...but then again I could surprise the hell out of the two of us (I say two of us, because I think only one other person reads this...if not, get your sorry ass to the comment portion of this and let me know you read it!) and start blogging about random school things and the weird people that accompany me to a Friday night/Saturday morning Anatomy and Physiology class.

I may shock the hell out of us.

Back!

2008-08-09T21:09:00.000-07:00

So I am back from a first birthday party! So much fun :)

It was so cute. Joie (pronounced Joey) was adorable. She wore a tutu and had a crown, wand and sparkly shoes. Erin (my SIL) made a castle cake that was beautiful.

It was nice, but there was an absence without my brother. But we recorded it all for him and kept saying Joie say hi to daddy...and she would wave her hands and smile to the camera. He is going to love it. But I swear looking into her eyes is like looking into my brothers. While its adorable its also sad a bit.

My "mother" (birth mother) was there with her boyfriend. *sigh* Why I expected more I have no clue. But she didn't say a word to me. It was so apparent and clear I am not good enough for her. In fact when someone asked her if she only had Tom as a child, she said o no, flung her hand over and said well thats my daughter. She didnt even say my name. She refused to come near me. Whatever. Her loss not mine. But it was so obvious that I am not what she wants in her life. Apparently I am not good enough. *sigh*

Other than that it was a beautiful party. Lots of girly stuff and lots of kids playing. It was wonderful. I got to spend time with my little Joie and give her kisses. Erin kept saying go to Auntie Angel and Joie would walk over to me and open her mouth with this huge grin and then reach her hand up for mine. We share a good connection. She looked an awful lot like me when she was born. You would have thought we were sisters or I was her mama.

But I am back. Long long drive, but o so worth it all.

The same or different?

2008-08-06T02:25:00.000-07:00

Reese's Peanut Butter Cup...Reese's Peanut Butter Whipped Bar. Should be the same right? Nope not at all. For some reason I seem to think the Cups have a much more richer peanut butter flavor. The Bar...its a soft slightly less as rich peanut butter flavor. I am not sure I am making sense. You will have to try it to understand.

So your homework...

Go out and buy one of each of these and compare them.

Then also buy two variations of the same candy bar. Like 3 Musketeers and a 3 musketeers mint... you get my drift. Then report back to me :)

This is an excuse for you to eat junk, quit your complaining!

The Seminar-

2008-08-05T12:29:00.000-07:00

The seminar went well. It was supposed to only last a hour, but it lasted two. All because some lady thought that this was her personal seminar and asked a shit load of questions that really didn't matter. But anyways...

I found out the program is what I am looking for. There is a wait tho. A long wait considering the program that I want to get into specifically is part time on Friday and Saturdays. Long days, but I would only go to school and clinicals those days and would be able to work full time, thankfully.

I learned a bit more about the fellowship I will apply for. I want it badly. VERY BADLY! Its a fellowship with a hospital I really like and would really want to work for. Basically I give them 3 years of employment and they pay for my nursing school and then I do my clinicals with them. Its beyond exciting and exactly what I want. Hopefully I will get it.

Thats it in a nutshell....

Im tackeling my desk right now...trying to get it organized. oiy!

At some point... ( a list )

2008-08-04T14:57:00.000-07:00

At some point I will:

-get my price list done for couponing
-clean off my desk
-mop the floor
-clean the dishes
-scrub the counters
-wash the mirrors
-do laundry
-go thru the never ending pile of laundry
-sort thru the mail
-organize the bookcase
-go thru boxes
-organize the curio cabinet
-wash the car
-reorganize the living room
-put together my backpack for college
-sort thru this pile of papers next to the comput
-give Lady a bath
-and whatever else I am supposed to be doing

But for now...Im off to a nursing seminar at the college to see if this program is for me. Wish me luck. I will post my findings tonight.

Interesting? Who me? Please

2008-08-01T23:54:00.000-07:00

So I was so graciously given the tag to post 7 interesting things about myself. Thank good ole Courtney for giving me the tag.

Also thank her for the ever seemingly boring list that I am about to blog here. Because lord knows I am as boring as they get. 24 hours later and I still don't have the foggiest clue what I should really be listing. Here is my lame attempt.

1.I am the first in my immediate family to get a tatoo. Don't worry, it's in a harmless place.No need to cover your eyes.It's rated G.

2.I carry the badge of furbaby mommy very proudly. I can not have children right now, if ever. So my little furry babies (dogs and cats)are my children. And I am not weird about it, I promise. I don't dress them in weird outfits or anything.

3.I have never done an illegal drug, yet I get to play with drugs for a living and legally too! Yep you read right. Never touched an illegal drug ever. I was too damn scared of my Dad to ever do one. That and it never really appealed to me.

4.I am seriously freaked out by people taking earrings out of their ears.And when I say freaked out, I mean freaked out!It scares the shit
out of me!

5.I can not go on long car rides without anti-nausea medication.
Even if I am driving I need it. When I was younger I got car sick all the time.My parents thought I would grow out of it. Nope, never have.

6.I'm damn good at keeping secrets. I have a few up my sleeve right now. One in particular is HUGE news....

7.I can change the oil in a car, rotate the tires, rebuild a engine...but I refuse to touch a car battery! Car batteries freak me out for some reason. Maybe it was because of hearing one explode.

Ok, so enough of my lame list. I know pass on the tag to a wonderful gal who desperately needs to find out the interesting things about herself, the wonderful Miss Andi!

Yep just what I thought

2008-07-29T22:19:00.000-07:00

One response for the last blog?

It's official...I have a fan base of ONE! I don't know wether to be sad or be happy. Now mind you that fan base of one is the greatest fan base ever...but my hopes of maybe having that base exceed maybe the occupancy of a small compact car was completely crushed.

Like I said I am sad. What's even worse is that I tell this person practically everything (exception is bowel movements...urine movements is another story), what the heck else will I have to blog about? Pretty soon that fan base of ONE will become zero....and then I will be sad.

Anyone?

2008-07-21T23:54:00.000-07:00

I often wonder who really reads this and cares about my ramblings. Do people really check up on me? Do they stop by to see if I have posted? Do they care?

Its really a bunch of meaningless questions, one's that really do not matter. But they matter to me. Unfortunately I am one of those people who cares a little too much about what people think of me. And it's not about the vanity kinda things, it's whether or not someone likes me and or is mad at me. I can't stand the thought of someone not liking me or being mad at me. It get's under my skin.

So I really do sometimes sit here and wonder who really reads the ramblings that come out of my mouth. Because lets be honest, alot of the time I make no sense. I ramble on and on without a coherent thought.

So I wanna know something about you. Do you check up on me? Are you disappointed when I don't update? What do you like and want to hear more about?

Hugs and love

Having no money blows!

2008-07-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

I hate being broke. Its sucks donkey balls.

I have $5.30 to my name. How sad is that? Seriously. I'm trying to scrape some money together to get Chris a pack of cigarettes. And I can't even do that. I feel like the biggest failure ever. I can't even scrape together enough money to do anything. What we have in the cupboards and fridge is it for a week.

I have borrowed money from here until eternity....and I have nothing.

Life blows.

My Baby Turned 1

2008-07-16T01:47:00.000-07:00

My baby turned one on the 9th. A whole year old.

Seems like yesterday I brought her home to live with us. Now she is full grown and o so smart. She learns more and more everyday and never ceases to amaze me.

When I come home she is so excited and jumps around with joy. Never is there a day where she isn't happy I am home. And when I leave she cries. Cries and cries at the door from what Chris tells me.

Every night she sleeps at my side. She curls up against me and never moves.

Chris says she is attached to me and definetely mine. She loves him, but he says that with me its completely different. She always has to be around me. No matter where I am she is a few steps behind me.

So my baby Lady is a year old. Still a puppy, but getting so big.

Is this what real mothers feel like? lol

Cordless Jump Rope

2008-07-11T23:08:00.000-07:00

I've gotten a couple of questions about this wonderful most excellent invention (note sarcasm and sheer annoyance). I decided to do some sleuthing. Good old google works wonders my friends.

I found an article by the "genius" that invented this contraption.

Here are my favorite quotes:

- "What makes this invention work is the moving weights inside the handles. They simulate the feel of a rope moving, Clancy said. Well, it's only one handle so far because Clancy is waiting for financial backers before building its partner."

Keep on waiting buddy is what I normally would say, but considering you can buy this contraption it only means that some moron had faith that this thing would actually sell. But alas, the moron that partnered with this inventor wasn't so dumb. They banked on the average American buying it. And it worked! Because only in America can you invent shit and someone will buy it and hord it away.

-It's perfect for the clumsy, Clancy said. "If you are still jumping, you're still using your legs as well as your arms, and getting the cardiovascular workout. You just don't have to worry about tripping on the rope."

Ok, seriously? Who after the age of say 7 trips over the rope of a jump rope? Please tell me one person. Come on, in order for this piece of crap to sell we must find several thousands maybe even millions. O but wait, we are a lazy country and we just know that this will get us up off out asses and we won't have to worry about explaining that bruise to the head at the office come Monday morning.

-It is also good for mental institutions and prisons where rope is a suicide risk, said Clancy, who works as a laundry coordinator in a state prison. And low ceiling fans aren't a hazard any more, he said.

Who the hell is using jump ropes under low ceiling fans? And if they are, they deserve the ass kicking they will get with a jump rope weilding a million miles an hour around a room. Hell I would pay money to watch that crap.

-That's right, a jump-rope minus the rope. All that's left is two handles, so you jump over the pretend rope. Or if you are truly lazy, you can pretend to jump over the pretend rope.

Ok, pretend to jump rope? If you need to "pretend" just to pacify the need to say you work out, you need to really get a life. Either that or your a bigger moron than you know. First of all, no one over the age of say 12 jump ropes anymore. If you walk up to someone, weighing 200+ pounds, I can guarantee you that if you tell anyone you are jump roping they will NOT believe you. It's not hard to deduct that a 200+ pound person is not jumping in the air. I have a stomach, I know how it feels, and no way in hell am I jumping around.

Want more info?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13038050/

People buy this?

2008-07-11T19:50:00.000-07:00

I was looking thru this catalog that Chris got in the mail the other day. It's full of very practical things that are reasonably priced that you just never seem to see in the stores. It's full of things seen on TV and other things that just make sense.

Every so often there is something that makes you go, huh? What in the world? People buy this?

So Ladies and....well only ladies read this that I know of. Here is the most random things this catalog had.

First up- Toe Flexers!

Give you stronger, healthier, more beautiful feet in just 10 minutes a day! Long a dancer's secret, now you can benefit from this unique exercise device. Wear the comfy pair while relaxing, watching TV ore even napping - the Achilles tendons are stretched to relieve the discomfort of hammertoes, bunions and other foot maladies. As circulation and flexibility improve, foot pain is lessened. Includes exercise chart.

Um, ok..... HUH? Thats all I have. People really buy this? Please tell me its a joke.

Next up- Penquin Pooper!

Nuff said!

And welcome- Head Stand!

Cause apparently sleeping in bed is way overrated!

And we continue with- Smoking Baby!

A marketing genius must have come up with this one. Bravo moron!

And they just keep coming- Mother Theresa Breath Spray

This can't be for real. Really?

And I leave you with this- Cordless Jumprope

Words can not describe how dumb this really is.

First off I can't believe someone actually invents this stuff. Seriously how do you come up with this dumb stuff. And then if that isn't bad enough, some moron buys it!

Some good news?

2008-07-06T12:37:00.000-07:00

Say it isn't so???

How in the world can I have good news? It's just not possible. Ahh but it is.

Yesterday Chris got a letter from the Dept of Economic Security. Now you might be thinking DISABILITY! Nope. UNEMPLOYMENT! Yes, Congress enacted some law that makes people who had unemployment after May 2007 available for 13 more weeks of benefits.

So that means we would get 13 more weeks of benefits. Thats 3 months! That would get us thru the time that disability has to make its decision.

Man o man....

Movies, Movies and More Movies

2008-07-05T23:39:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to be all organized and Martha Stewart-ish. But ehh the hell with it. If I was Martha Stewart I would have a posh house, a tv show and be all organized. But alas I am not. Hell I was late to my own birth, and I betcha I will be late to my own funeral. I am an unorganized, late, overweight, boring 20-something-year-old.

I decided to pop in a movie. And suddenly I find myself watching the 4th movie today. I am a movie junkie, but I haven't had time to really watch movies and have an all day movie marathon like the old days. I love all kinds of movies. It doesn't matter the genre. I like them all.

I have engrossed myself in stories of other's lives today hoping to somehow forget mine for the day. So far so good. But every once in awhile I remember the electric bill, the water bill, or the phone bill. It's quite annoying, my brain. I can't turn things off. And yet here I sit watching another, hoping it goes away.

Add worry wart and hopeless overanalyzer to the list of thing's I am.

It's amazing what a few movies will do. It makes you think about what you really are. As you sit there and sink into a movie you become blank and forget about time. And then at the end you start to think, am I like that? Could I be like that?

So while I should be all organized, and as hard as I try, I find I am not. No matter how hard I really try I am not.

Friends

2008-07-05T14:57:00.000-07:00

I have some amazing friends. Friends I didn't even know I had really. I have always said I don't have many, probally only one to be exact. But then I go out to my mailbox and there are cards from people who care. People who have never met me in real life. I never thought I had so many, but I do. And to think they all live here inside this little box and I talk to them on it.

Its amazing. Its amazing that people who should be there for you are not and people you never expected to are.

So when you think you don't have anyone, take a look around. They really are there. You may have to look hard, but I promise they are.

To my friends, I love you like family. You are truelly awesome.

And to My Hope, you know who you are, your the best! :)

Bored

2008-07-03T23:53:00.000-07:00

So my Scrabble playing buddy will be gone for a week. I am so sad. She is driving to Wisconsin to see family and drop off her brother's furniture. It's only been a few hours since I said good bye and have a safe trip and I am already bored.

What shall I do for a week? Seriously? If I am this bored already, what will I be like in a week?

I imagine that this blog will have loads more posts. I imagine that I will play alot of solitary online slingo (look it up, its fun). And I imagine I will miss her.

She is such a wonderful soul. And I miss her. :(

Geez I sound like a pathetic old hag. But I have become accustomed to our nightly banter back and forth and the sheer determination to beat her in the game. OOO maybe I should read the dictionary, soak up information, research for the next match? Hmmmm the wheels are spinning...squeeking, but they are spinning. Quite scary if you ask me.

Check list Help

2008-07-02T18:11:00.000-07:00

I am going to take full advantage of this three day weekend I am embarking on. Chris and I can not afford to really go anywhere, so I am going to tackle some projects around the house. I plan on at least making us some Huttdog's and then a pasta salad, but pretty much I want to accomplish a few things.

So I am "trying" to be all organized about it. I have a pen and even paper. It's labeled things to do.

So, here is where I need some help. To all you that read this (not sure there is many lol)comment and leave me some good "spring" cleaning or deep cleaning ideas that get's overlooked easily. I already have the change a/c filter, do baseboards, turn mattresses on my list.

So comment away :)

I need to be commited, either that or I was beaten up by a midget

2008-06-30T23:16:00.000-07:00

I am quite serious.

I hurt myself yet again. Seriously how clumsy am I? Apparently I should take my friends offer and go into that padded room.

I was trying to put up a heavy dark comforter in my front living room window. The drapes up there are too flimsy and really do not distract the sun. The living room gets hotter than hell. Thankfully we are usually in the back living room, office or bedroom. All of which do not get the dreadful afternoon sun. 115 degree days are killing me and my electric bill.

So I hoist myself up there. I was pretty darn proud of myself. Then I fell. I started to fall backwards and realized my glass coffee table was behind me to so I tried to correct myself.

I did something to my ankle. My friend thinks maybe sprained? I have rug burn on my elbow and knee. I knocked my knee into a chair. My other foot went under me and the end table landed on it. Then because I fell on one leg or hip or whatever, that leg hurts like I have a bruise deep in there.

I feel like I was beaten by a midget. And I say a midget because its from the waist down. LOL

So I would gladly take a room for a party of one insane, clumsy, yet huggable 20-something-year-old. Anyone have a nice room for me?

And just when I "thought" she had me

2008-06-29T17:05:00.000-07:00

She went and said something funny again!

LOL, she has me rolling here I tell ya!

I asked her to keep her fingers crossed for me and here is how she replied...

My fingers and toes are crossed...just now sure how long I can keep them that way. Can I uncross them every once in a while to relax them?

This may be the funniest damn thing I heard all day!

2008-06-29T15:59:00.000-07:00

In a effort to be more "greener" and overall more cheap. I decided to put up a comforter in the window of my front living room. The drapes up there really do nothing. Seriously. It gets hotter than hell up there.

So basically in a nut shell I fell. I have rug burn on my elbow and knee, and something funny happened to my knee. Overall the knee doesn't bother me as much as my ankle now does. And apparently I have a impression on my ankle now...sigh

So I told my friend this in a email. This is what she said back. O by the way I have been complaining of headaches lately too.

I am considering putting you in a padded room with soothing music and an IV of excedrin. Just to keep you out of pain and out of trouble. What do you think?

Ice your knee...otherwise work will suck worse.

She is really quite hilarious!

The electric company is screwing with me!

2008-06-25T20:58:00.000-07:00

I am not sure exactly what happened. I remember getting a shut off notice. I distinctly remember it saying that I needed to pay by the 26th, but apparently that was NOT the case.

So today I am about to run out the door for work. Just as I am grabbing my cell phone and walking out the door, the power goes off.

C yells from the living room getting all huffy about it. I call them and am basically told that the notice said the 16th, not the 26th. When I question why if it said the 16th and it being the 25th, and the electric just NOW being shut off...I am told that they left it on as a curtiousy. Huh?

Um ok.

I am told that I have to pay every dime I am late on, plus a $400 deposit. Apparently my being a loyal customer for 10 years means squat. I have never had electric turned off, except when I switched residences, and even then the electric at both places was on. And if I want it turned back on today I must pay $75.

$75? He is seriously still in my driveway...

I am told he doesn't know how to turn it on, that they have to send someone else who is out of my area. And my electric will be turned on before 5.

At 5 C calls me to tell me it still isnt on. I call them.

They tell me it was turned back on at 11:07am. I said that can't be. I called and paid my bill at that time, they said no, you paid it at 11:02 am. So the idiot who told me that they would have to send someone else out....yeah they lied to me.

And apparently the moron who switched back on my electric didn't switch on the main breaker to the house. If he had the electric would have come right back on and C and my animals and fridge and everything else would have been living comfortably.

Instead I walk in the door at 730pm and the house is so hot its not even registering on the thermostat on the wall, and I look at the little one I have hanging in the house.

It was 98 degrees in this house.

I am going to call and complain tomorrow.

Man am I pissed!

Ms. Robinson please return to the pharmacy

2008-06-24T22:43:00.000-07:00

There comes a time in every professional career where you realize at some point that this job seriously has it's pitfalls and seriously is driving you to the break of insanity. Pharmacy is not void of this nor does it ever lack a good story.

Every person who works in pharmacy has a story to tell about some moron who did some stupid thing with his or her medication or they showed up showing them something that no eyes should ever see. And don't forget the stupid questions that are available at every turn.

Retail pharmacy always keeps a pharmacist or pharmacy technician on their toes. Just when you think you have seen it all, someone slaps a Gangrene sock on your counter, told you that the suppositories they got yesterday really don't taste right, or that the whole teaspoon of antibiotics just wont fit in little Johnny's ear.

And I want you to safely know that if you come up to a pharmacy counter and ask a stupid question, make a stupid remark, complain, bitch, moan, or just act like a flat out jackass...the pharmacy is bound to repeat the story at some function. Usually drinking is involved. After all, we need to party too.

I have compiled a list of things you MUST know when you come to the counter of your local pharmacy. These are all things we wish we could say to you, but we are duty bound to act like professionals and actually care about your sorry ass.

1. Drumming your fingers or credit cards on my counter will NOT make me move faster. I am on an important call and simply can not cater to your sorry ass.

2. Yes that is right, the doctor did not call in your refill. Asking me to call him after you have been out of your medication for a week will not constitute him moving faster. Apparently you are not dead, you can wait another 24 hours.

3. Calling me 50 times a day asking if your prescription is ready will not suddenly magically make it appear. I told you I would call you when it's ready. Trust me when I say I want to give it to you so you would leave me the hell alone.

4. When I ask for your insurance card it is because my special super powers are down and I simply can not remember how to reactivate them at the moment, so yes it is crucial I have your card.

5. Giving you a upset stomach is not an allergy. No matter how you insist it is, its not. Get over yourself and eat something when you take the damn medication.

6. Bitching about a $10 copay is really ridiculous and just shows how stupid you really are. Do you realize that brand name Valtrex your getting for your herpes is like normally a $100?

7. The white pill? Seriously you don't know the name of what you need or what it's for? All you know is little white pill? Let me go get all the little white pills and you tell me which one it is.

8. So you took all of your anti-anxiety meds with you on your day trip...and lost them? And need some more? And it's only been two days since you had if filled? Hmm...first time, I give you the benefit of the doubt. But seriously coming back and telling me that SAME story two days later...either your a moron or well your just a moron.

9. Getting mad at me because I don't have a medication in stock is absurd. I can not have every single medication in the world! Every heard of a business, inventory control?

10. You don't have enough money for the pain medication and the antibiotic? How convenient that you would only choose the pain med, tell me you would come back the next day, and here it is a week later and I am returning the antibiotic to inventory. Um yeah strike one in my book, I don't trust your sorry ass.

So in conclusion boys and girls, if you are going to come up with an excuse please come up with a real doosy. We need better stories to tell than those of our professional colleagues.

It's hotter than hell!

2008-06-22T20:27:00.000-07:00

Something has been wrong with my a/c all day. Stupid thing isnt blowing out very cool air.

So on a 100 degree + day.....its been at least 90 degrees in my house all day.

Im annoyed....

A post titled Dear God.

2008-06-19T23:13:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

Normally I ask for things for myself. I pray to you to ask for guidance to help me not shoot the man that is making a racket in my kitchen while on his medication....

dang him.....

ok back....

where was I?

O yes. I normally ask for help for myself. You know I need it. Many a time I have prayed to you asking for a sign, something.

But tonight I ask you for something outside myself. Something that will bring someone else joy, and I guess by proxy will give me and my heart joy too.

You stood next to me while I took those 8 rounds of Clomid. You stood next to me as I stared at thousands of negatives on that little stick I peed on. And you have stood next to me everytime I see a woman pregnant or with a child. You still stand next to me today. I feel your prescense and no you are here.

Tonight I ask you to hold another of your child's hands. Guide her heart, guide her to what is best. Make her a mommy again and her family whole. She is a warm hearted person and a good mommy. She really is. I don't know what your plan is for her, but I surely hope it is to become pregnant here soon.

Her heart is hurting while her mind is ok. Her mind understands, but as you well know her heart just can't catch up quite as quickly.

I know you know I never wanted her to feel this pain. I have prayed that no one ever feel this pain. And yet here she stands, feeling alone and her heart is breaking. I really pray that you heal it quickly.

I don't like to see my Hope sad, crying or hurting. Please take care of her God. And quickly if you can.

Amen.

Thank you,
Angel

My snuggler

2008-06-15T22:18:00.000-07:00

So I have no children. No one who comes running into my bed in the middle of the night because of a nightmare. Or wanting Mommy to snuggle with them.

But I have the next best thing.

I have Miss. Lady. She tells me when its bedtime because she jumps into bed, huffs a little, gives a little moan and then snuggles into bed. Thats when I know its time to go to bed.

And I lay down and she crawls over to me. She snuggles right up against my chest. And that is where she is all night long. Rarely if ever does she leave my side all night. She knows when I am going to roll over. She kinda rolls with me. Its hard to explain.

But I have a snuggler. The one with a wet nose who likes to lick my nose when the alarm goes off. She is like having another little alarm in the house.

And she is soft too! So all the more reason she is the best snuggler!

I told her about this...

2008-06-12T01:14:00.000-07:00

Yes I told my Mom about this blog.

And yes she is probally reading this...

Ask me if I care...

Now most women of my age (in their 20's) would never want their Mom's to know a thing about their "private" life. Be honest ladies...there has to be something that you would just DIE if she were to find out. Every woman has that one thing she just wont even tell her own mother.

Now see...with me if I couldn't even tell her then it wouldn't be here. Thats for certain. I have nothing to really hide from her. And if I did, do you think I would post it here on the net for all the world to see while she sit's home, blind as a bat, not knowing anything? Nope...like any red blooded american girl, you tell your girlfriends. LOL.

So while some may be a little shocked that I gave her this website address, rest assured I really wont hold anything back. She knows I cuss, that my favorite word somedays is shit or fuck. She knows I have marriage woes. She knows I want to get out of my dead end job. She knows that I long for children somedays, while others I thank my lucky stars I don't have a snot nosed brat. She knows sometimes I would just love to punch the fat fuck in front of me at my checkout counter. She knows all this. And somehow she still loves me.

So see I am not all that bad. I probally will be more vocal now and really show my "other" side, the one that apparently not enough of my online friends see. My real in-life friend knows my cussing. She, I hope, still loves me..lol. Again I HOPE (inside joke).

And she also knows how I desperately try to push that marine corp cussing girl aside somedays, how I neglect that crying girl inside, how I push on and on, and how somedays I am just too darned tired. Cause she has been there, done that.

So for the ones that think I am nuts for giving her the address to this blog. I don't care at all. This is me, she knows me...no need to worry. :)

Let the "Angel" free.

After all I am the daughter of a Marine and all. ;)

Happen to strike my fancy

2008-06-12T00:59:00.000-07:00

I didnt have the greatest of days so in normal fashion...I listen to some music. Here is what struck me as cool tonight.

And it doesn't hurt that my "boyfriend" is in each one :)

Something happened today...

2008-06-10T21:07:00.002-07:00

That made me think about my Mom.

Most people who know me know I have a Mom and then a "Mother". My "Mother", and I use this term very loosely, is what I call the woman who gave birth to me. She is by no means the woman who cared for me.

She wasn't the woman who:

-bought me my first pair of girl pants
-comforted me when my heart was broken by a boy the first time
-the first time a friend betrayed me
-taught me the birds and the bees
-comforted me when I was sick
-kissed my boo boo's
-helped me during my first period
-told me I looked perfect when I went to my first dance
-taught me how to drive
-took me to the doctor when I was sick
-watched me run track
-comforted me when I was sad
-looked in on me to make sure I was sleeping well when I was sick with the flu (yes I knew you did that)
-bought me a new backback every year
-took me school shopping
-helped me sign the paperwork booking the ceremony site for my wedding
-bought the flowers for my wedding
-showed up early to make sure everything was perfect for my wedding
-told me I was the most beautiful bride ever
-and comforted me when the fertility treatments failed.

I could go on and on. But that would take pages and pages that the internet doesn't even have the room for. All of these were NEVER done by the woman who carried me for 9 months, birthed me, and who was supposed to care for me.

These were all done by my Mom. The woman who walked into my life when I was 10. The woman who entered into a marriage with a man who had 3 kids. The woman who never blinked twice with being called a "step mom". But there was never anything step about her. She is my Mom. She might not have ever given birth to me but she has showed me what truely loving a child is. She shows me everyday. She is the mother I hope to become...the one I wish to be.

I hope she knows how much I love her and cherish her everyday.
I love you Mom!

Day 9- Jonesing

2008-06-10T20:38:00.000-07:00

I haven't really blogged here about the life altering, mind blowing, castostrophic decision I made.

I am a pop-aholic, aka soda junkie, and I have been sober for 9 days now. It's been 9 days since I touched my last drop.

And I am telling you I am dying here! I am literally salivating at the thought of a cold yummy pop. Just dying to have one, want to knock someone over to get to it, shaking badly, wanting one.

I made it past the headache stage of my recovery. That in itself was horrible. I just didn't feel like myself the entire time. I was tired and had a headache for a week. But the last two days have been rough. I am now craving one badly. Juice helps for a bit, but it's not the same.

I think its because I have been drinking so much plain water. I am drinking at least 9 to 10- 8 oz glasses of water each day. So far I have gotten a headache, tired, shaking and have almost peed my pants daily.

Is there a 12 step program for soda junkies? How about my 90 days sober coin? Where can I get one of those?

How nasty

2008-06-08T17:49:00.000-07:00

In an effort to appear like I have it all together (insert hilarious laughing now) I decided to clean my carpets. My dear friend let me borrow her huge steam cleaner. So I figured this should be easy.

Lady has been peeing on our carpets lately, specifically the front room, and there are some stains on the carpet. I have tried and tried to keep it clean, but honestly with my not being here all day it is taking its toll on the carpet. C doesn't get off his rear end to let her out all the time, or sometimes his meds just have him zonked out that he doesn't know when she needs to go out. She is only 11 months old, and a dach, so her poor little bladder can't hold it. She doesn't get in trouble unless she pees on the carpet when I am home, because she neglected to let me know she needed out.

Plus the company that made this freakin amazing cleaner that got just about everything from urine to a mass murder of blood on the carpet, stopped making it. I am beside myself. Nothing got stuff out of carpet like this stuff did. If I would have known, I would have bought 20 bottles of the stuff. But I am so sad...cause they don't make it anymore. Thus the carpet is a disaster.

And I should also mention that its cream colored carpet. Who in their right mind puts in a light shade of carpet in a house? Seriously who? Are they stupid? Apparently so! We live in Arizona, with dirt flying all over the place. It gets dusty here. Where do you think it falls? In nice piles on the ground outside? I think not!

So here I am living in a home, that I am renting mind you, with cream colored carpet. Yes I am in for it.

I can't keep it clean apparently. I did the front room twice yesterday and both times the water was DISGUSTING! Then this morning I decided to do it again. DISGUSTING. Not to mention the bedroom and hallway. GROSS!!! I can't believe I have been living like this.

It is amazing what carpet cleaning will do to you. It makes your realize your living in filth!!!

That and your life is utterly boring if all you have to blog about is your carpets.

Seeing who I talk to...

2008-06-07T18:42:00.000-07:00

I decided, for whatever reason, to finally hook up the webcam I got for Christmas. My brother would be o so proud to know that what he got me for Christmas just sat on top of my monitor, never having actually been plugged in. Shh don't tell him.

So off on this adventure I go.

Now before I proceed I should mention I am not at all a "girl" when it comes to hooking this up. I don't read manuals, I just plug the thing in, jam a disk in and go.

I know you shouldnt do that but hey, thats me. Love me or hate me. I could care less which one you are.

Well lets just say I had a hell of a time with it. The dang thing says its compatible, yahoo says its not....low and behold it really is and they are just trying to play evil tricks on consumers like myself who do not read manuals!!!

So lately I have been seeing who I talk to online. Its quite strange, but none the less it is cool. I just have to remember when I have it on in case I wanna pick my nose.

HA HA...

Can we say odd?

2008-06-04T23:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday as I was leaving work I decided I really didn't feel like cooking dinner. But I am also trying my hardest to watch what I am eating, so I decided to stop at Wendy's. They have some pretty good salads, and I thought what the heck.

I pull up to the menu in the drive thru.

"Welcome to Wendy's"

"Um yes, I would like one southwestern Taco Salad"

"Si, amiga!"

"ok...a number 2 with no lettuce, tomatoes, or pickles with a.."

"thats an awful lot of no's don't ya know"

"with a large coke"

"Yes go on"

"and a baked potato"

"Thanks for playing at Wendy's please pull to the second window"

So I drive to the second window..

Here is some 40-something-year old who apparently hasn't gotten laid in apparently way too long. And he has no life.

I was dumbfounded! Either I was in shock or just too tired to even try messing with him.

More Random Thoughts from an Insane 20-something-year-old

2008-06-01T23:28:00.000-07:00

Why is it so hard to kick the soda habit? Is it that they put crack in it?

There is absolutely nothing on TV and I am bored outta my gord!

The commercial I am watching is rather disgusting.

Cheese and crackers sounds yummy right now.

I can't believe I am on yet another diet!

I really want to do well this time with my diet.

School is in my sights, with nursing school within reach.

My eye itches!

Did I mention I absolutely HATE allergies?!?!

Im too tired to get up away from this computer.

Since when are your late twenties boring?

I thought I was in the prime of my life...O well.

And yes this are the only things I am thinking right now. Boring huh?

Squeeze and Roll

2008-05-28T23:09:00.000-07:00

"Squeeze and Roll"

"I think I can do that!"

It started with a hole-puncher

2008-05-25T00:40:00.000-07:00

The papers to hole punch were stacked on top of my desk. I decided during a rousing game of scrabble that it was time to hole punch them and put them in their home, the binder.

I dug thru file cabinet drawer and found the hole puncher. I also found a plethora of items I thought I had lost. So then began the decent that began the almost seemingly never ending pile of crap that is my life.

I dug threw things and decided to reorganize, throw things away and dust. Now three hours later everything has a space and its place.

And all is well in the world.

Remind me again never to go looking for the hole puncher.

Someday I may get it right

2008-05-23T21:35:00.000-07:00

Until then, just deal with it!

So I have to be in charge of C's medicine. Yep thats my job. One I simply do not like but one I have. I have to get his medications ready for him and time and time again I get asked the same questions....what's this one? and this one? and this one? and what about this one?

And time and time again I answer him.

Tonight I forgot to bring homw an important one. And I admit I did, but after the 6 or 7 calls from him during the day interupting me, I guess I forgot.

And he is quite mad at me. Thinks he is going to go crazy without it. But I try and try to explain it is in his blood stream for 30 hours....but he doesn't listen. So I get to hear about how I am horrible, I can't get anything right...yada yada.

Sigh

Someday I may get it right...

So the water guy came today...

2008-05-21T20:21:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately the beginning of anything involving the water guy came today can not be the beginning of anything good.

Now either my house was leaking from somewhere and needed divine intervention or the man was at my home to turn what water I do use off. And of course anyone knowing the predictament I am in, would know that it was not the flood coming that made this man show up. Nope, no floods here. Not a water flood nor a money flood.

Damn the water man showed up. Damn Damn

I forgot, or I should say neglected, to pay the water bill for a couple...ok a few, months. And he was here to turn it off. He happened to catch C outside and said he was here to turn us off. But for a mere $150 he could keep us connected. Because yes I have tons and tons and wads and wads of money at my disposal...all sitting here in my magic box. I am hording it don't ya know?

So in a frantic state of mind C came barrelling in the door screaming about the water being turned off and quick he needed a check. Now before I go on, one must know my husband is NOT on the checking account (why is for another post all in itself). So here I am, lying in bed, half asleep....with just a nightshirt on, listening to a 34 year old man scream like a girl about how the water was being turned off and how he needed a check right at that moment.

Now another interjection....did I mention I had been sleeping? So what happens when you have been sleeping for 8 hours and you rush out of bed???? Thats right boys and girls, you have to pee. Suddenly the gates of the bladder are screaming to be unleashed...and thats when the pee dance starts.

So here I am, having to piss like a fucking race horse, my husband is screaming like a 12 year old girl, I can't find a fucking check in my checkbook, I start to rummage thru the secret place I keep my new checks (no I am not telling you), and I have to piss...did I mention that?

So how did your day start? better than mine?

Why?

2008-05-19T22:20:00.000-07:00

Why is it that I do not have a nack for writing? Why is it that I can't get a thought out on paper without sounding like a complete and utter moron?

Here I am trying my hardest to come up with beginnings of a great penned story. I haven't written a single word. I have tons of thoughts, but nothing gets out onto the paper. It's beyond frustrating and utterly exausting. I have taken to keeping a little pad of paper with me. Just in case a thought comes to mind I can jot it down. That pad of paper? Empty. O no, there is the to-do list.

Think I could get it published?

Random Thoughts

2008-05-11T15:59:00.000-07:00

I honestly hate allergies. They suck. I never had them until this year and for some unknown reason they decided this year to kick my ass.

My eyes itch beyond belief. I want to rip them from my head, throw them on the ground and stop on them! They hurt!!!!!!

If I have to watch one more rerun of American Idol Rewind I just may yack. Ryan Seacrest annoys me to no end. I have no idea why, but he is just plain annoying.

I have seriously way way too much to do right now. Tons to clean, little time, and lack of motivation is a glutten for punishment.

Lady is finally out of heat and I can take her to visit her Mama on Mothers Day. She is bringing her a milk bone :)

Chris' side effects from his medication seem to be at bay. Who knew Benadryl was used for other things besides allergies?

It's been awhile...

2008-05-10T21:58:00.001-07:00

Yes it has, yes I know I have been gone. I have nothing to blog about. How sad is that? Honestly?

How do you take away the pain?

2008-04-25T21:12:00.001-07:00

How do you take away the pain that the ones you love are experiencing? Seriously how do you?

My dear friend is hurting right now. I know she is, but she is hiding it very well. Her beloved Grandma died last night. It was expected, but sudden to the loved one's hearts. And the family is hurting. I wish I could take away that hurt. I really do.

No matter how much time is spent preparing for the inevitable, the final breaths and thereafter are always met with heartache. Your mind can say over and over again that it will be ok, but the heart really does trump the mind in instances like this. It's human to tell yourself that everything will be ok, that life will go on, that there is no suffering. But the heart sneaks up on you and hits you from behind.

And that is the hurt I want to take away.

Things that make you laugh...

2008-04-23T23:59:00.000-07:00

So a drug rep came by a few days ago and gave us this desk calendar. Each day has a interesting tid bit of information. I like seeing the info for that day, makes me feel like I am learning something new.

So today was this...

In 1906, Teddy Roosevelt made the first sitting trip in a airplane, by a President, outside the United States, visiting Panama to inspect the construction progress of the Panama Canal.

So my question is this....

did all the other presidents stand and hold on for dear life?

ha ha ha

I crack myself up!

Commercial Vehicles

2008-04-23T00:18:00.000-07:00

Commercial vehicles are prevalent everywhere. We have a large amount here in the Phoenix area. And sometimes they intrigue me enough to ponder their existence.

Like the ones that ask, "How is my Driving? Call....." and the number is scratched out. So scratched that you couldn't possibly call and complain about the moron in the huge truck that just cut you off.

Or how about the one I saw today....in the back window it said Auto Glass, then had a phone number under that. I go to pass it, and glance over....there is HUGE crack in the windshield of this truck. Seriously? If you can't take the time to fix your company vehicles then why would I want you working on mine?

And then their was the pest control truck (I know it was a pest control truck because my Dad used to do that for a living at one time) where all the lettering on the vehicle was in spanish. Thank goodness I read spanish. But what about the average joe on the street. I understand that alot of spanish speaking people now live in Arizona, but I thought this was America and the language of the land was English?

Ok vent and rant over...