Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Little puppy snores

It is almost 5 am and I am laying here in bed with one of Lady's sisters. I am laying here with Hannah. But we affectionately call her Hannah Montana.

She is alot like Lady, but also so different.

She is a gently soul, very quiet, very calm. She really doesn't get wound up. Lady was quiet too, affectionate, etc. but she could get wound up.

She is snuggling with me and has the most adorable snores. She is loud! Like sawing logs. Its so cute!

Monday, March 29, 2010

A love like no other...

At some point throughout a person's life you come across a love that will sweep you off your feet, a love that touches your heart, a love that makes you a better person, and a love that simply puts a smile on your face.

Love is a funny thing. For me it isn't perfect by any means. I have had a couple of loves in my life. And I love every one of my friends for different reasons. I try to tell the people in my life that they mean the world to me and that I love them as often as I get to. It's important to me.

I simply do not want any regrets when I leave this world. I want those who knew me, whom I loved, to know I loved them. I want them to know they are special, that I thought the world of them. So I tell those loved ones. Daily sometimes.

Most people think that Chris and I say "I love you" just way too much. And sometimes I agree with that. But this has always been the way Chris and I have operated. I say it to him because I do love him. I may not be extremely head over heels madly in love with him 100% of the time, but I do love him. For various reasons (that I will leave for another day to explain).

I think love is tricky too. It's hard to explain, hard to understand. There are so many different levels of love. And most are not in tune with their relationships or even the word love to grasp what the word even means. It is thrown around so blindly and so willy nilly that the word almost doesn't mean anything anymore.

For me that is so extremely sad. Because love means alot to me. And when I love, I love with my whole heart, as much as I possibly can. I never say I love someone unless I truely mean it, unless I want that person to understand what they mean to me.

Like I said, I have had a couple of loves. A few maybe. And these are loves like no other. They all had different meanings to me, all go back to different stages of my life.

There was Chad...

My first real boyfriend, first real relationship. And he broke my heart. We were just freshmen in highschool. So really it was kid love. And looking back on it, well, it was quite comical. But I don't regret using that word. He is an important part of my past. He came into my life when I was entering highschool, entering a life changing part of my life. And he was geniunely a good guy.

Then there was Tom...

Now this relationship was extremely important to me. I would be lying if I said I never thought of him anymore. I still do every now and then. Tom was older than I was, and held the key to independence and adulthood, or so I thought. He was 21 and I was 18. I was a senior in high school, and dating him gave me instant popularity. I was the girl dating a guy out of high school. To girls, I was dating a babe. To guys, I must have had something if a older guy wanted to date me. Tom is also who I lost my virginity to. And even as a Christian now, I don't regret it.

And finally there is Chris...

I hated him when I first met him. Loathed him. Couldn't stand him. And then something changed. I still don't know what it was. We haven't had the greatest relationship. There have been fights, drug use (his part) and other issues. But we have survived. We have gotten through it at. It's a relationship I simply can not explain.

I guess in all of this, what I have been trying to explain is that every love is like no other. There are many loves in a person's life. And they are all different. They don't have to be that of a sexual nature either. Love comes in many different shapes, sizes and colors. You have to make your own definition of love. Have to figure out each level. Its up to you to find it, catch it and hold onto it. To find a love like no other is up to you.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Friday Came and Went

And I didn't blog. O no.

Ehh, such is life.

Nothing exciting has happened in the past day. I got a new desk at work. Um ya not so cool.

I now sit way way over on the other side of the abyss. And I face a walk way. One that people use to walk by me every 2 minutes. I never get any work done in my little cubicle now.

See I wear ear buds and listen to music as I work. I don't have to talk to anyone. Which can be good or bad, depending on the day. But yet I see people...not like dead people like in that movie, but people. I can't hear them, but they walk by.

So as I am typing, listening to a talk show or music, someone walks by. And I instantly look up.

It's actually annoying. Very annoying. I can't stop looking up. And then I lose my place in what I was typing at that moment. And because I was supposed to be a blond, it takes me a few seconds to figure out what I am doing and where I am! Again, highly annoying. Or maybe that last part is a sign of old age and not my intellect. Hmm...interesting.

But where was I going with this? O ya, so I got my new desk. I desk share with someone, he uses the desk during the day and I do at night. I know who he is and actually went through training with him. And then he asked to be transferred to day shift. But I swear I didn't scare him off, ok maybe I did (looks around innocently). But anyways I thought of leaving him harassing notes. Maybe saran wrap the keyboard. You know funny stuff. he he.

I unpacked all my things, put up my pictures on the cork board (before he could...because dang it I want the cork board!). And settled in.

I have a picture of my niece, my brother serving overseas, one of me and a giraffe, my husband and I on our wedding day, one of my best friend in high school and I, and then one of my cat Cleo.

And then I have my license up (not my driver's license, my license to "practice" pharmacy lol). And then some random other nonsense that really doesn't matter. Because we all know this pointless post on this blog really mattered!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Thankful Thursday

It's Thursday and there are so many things I am thankful for. But today I want to just talk about one thing in particular I am thankful for.

I am thankful that I am able to afford to partake in a bible study. Just a little of a year ago there was no way I could afford such items. I wanted to join a bible study so badly but couldn't afford the study guides associated with them.

However this time around I can. Instead of using the money to buy things I just don't need, ie. fast food. I am putting the money into my future. Along with the bible study books I am also getting 2 books to help me follow a Levitical diet. Please visit my friend Hallee's website. Here she talks a bit in depth about it in a way that makes sense.

I am going to research this diet and most likely start following it shortly after receiving the books I ordered in the mail. Most wonder why I all of a sudden want to do this. Well for one, certain foods are beginning to tear my stomach up. I can not eat diary lately without feeling like my stomach is going to rip out of my abdomen and I am in constant pain with certain foods. Overall I feel horrible. And from what I had read, this seems like an answer. So I will be researching it. I also look at it as a new way to honor God's wishes, he clearly states in the Bible what it was he wanted for his children.

So I am extremely thankful that the circumstances right now allow me to buy these valuable books that will help me. I look at it as an extremely valuable and important part of my future.

I hope to share soon about each book.

Off to finish Michael J. Fox's memoir as quick as I can!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

To give us all a smile, this week's wordless Wednesday comes courtesy of a friend. One who sent this to my work email in hopes of making me smile. It make me smile and brought a tear to my eye...

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


I have something to look forward to!

Starting May 1st I will be participating in a bible study!!! YAY! I am so excited.

I "met" this fellow blogger back on a baby website a few years ago. Back when Chris and I were trying to conceive I found this website and message board and developed alot of lasting friendships. This one particular member always struck me as someone strong in her convictions and I honestly was inspired. She was part of the puzzle that helped me find my way back to the Lord.

I stopped going to the website after Chris and I couldn't conceive. I was sort of lost and hurt and really didn't want to visit a baby website.

And a few days ago on Face book it was "recommended" I become a fan of a particular person named Hallee the homemaker. Honestly I didn't even know who the person was..but I became a "friend" because I saw a few of my friends were her friend. You know the age old face book nonsense, become a friend because your friend is a friend. blah blah. lol

A day later I really investigated because I was annoyed that I couldn't figure out who this person was, although the name sounded familiar. I searched her profile and found her website, Hallee the Homemaker. And wham I knew who it was. It was the woman that I admired so much!

I sent her a email and have become a reader of her site. She is a good Christian woman, who is faithful to her Lord, husband, children and home. I admire her so much. She is honestly one of the most Godly women I have ever met. I recommend reading her site and following her. It's worth the time and commitment. I am following her advice, looking into the diet that her family follows and the life they lead.

She doesn't know how much it's inspiring me, and the God brought her into my life (in the strangest way, via the internet) so that I can follow his steps, his words, his life. But I hope that maybe by me putting her info here, she can help another become yet another child and follower of Christ.

So if you all are able to, trot on over to her site. If you can also become involved in the bible study. It's going to be good!

Here is the bible study, The Power of a Praying Wife. And there is a great deal on the book and workbook on Barnes and Noble.

So please join us. It will be so much fun!

God Bless and Hugs,

Monday, March 22, 2010

Just another day...

I am depressed.

Ok I put it out there. Things should get better right? Acknowledging it is half the battle right?

I have let my life fall apart piece by piece. I have given up alot of things that I have loved. Stopped doing things that made me happy.

I am not exactly sure why, but I have.

All because I am depressed and down. And not wanting to deal with things.

I sleep all day, go to work, come home, and hide behind this screen. I don't do anything. I don't cook, clean, nothing. I just barely exist.

Today tho I took a step. I cleaned my kitchen, did all the dishes. Dishes that had been sitting there for far longer than they should have. And now I have White Chicken Chili in the crockpot.

Tomorrow I will work on my bedroom. Then the next day my living room. One step at a time is what I am doing.

So if you happen to read this...which I am sure no one really does...leave me a comment...tell me your tricks to clean things, keep things clean, how you have a schedule...whatever it is that gets you up and motivated. I could use the inspiration.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Sleep, where for out tho sleep?

I just want to sleep...

I can't seem to get back onto a good sleep cycle. I have no idea how in the world it became so wonky, but it did. And now I am up for hours on end, wishing, praying, pretending to sleep. It's quite exhausting...but not exhausting enough to ACTUALLY SLEEP!

So I am here, online, searching. I am researching a Leviticus diet. I am quite intrigued by it and am contemplating beginning it. It looks like something my body, mind, heart and soul needs. A true declaration to God. And then the health benefits are just HUGE.

I have a suggestion for a book to read, and I am also researching online. I would like to go see if the library at church has the book or books I need. I really am interested in finding all I can about this "diet" or way of living.

From what I gather, it is a way of life. It's a new beginning. Exactly what I need.

But back to the topic at hand....I am so sleepy, but just can't sleep! I took a vicodin and soma, hoping it will relax my neck and as a added benefit maybe knock me out. No such luck. And apparently it doesn't mess with my brain that much because I can still form complete sentences. And I don't sound like a raving lunatic right now. Unlike most days :)

Anyways...off to count sheep...or kittens...or puppy dogs...or whatever it is they tell you to count. Great, I can't even get that right. No wonder I can't sleep.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Here I am

In my last blog post I posted that Ladybird had died. So much has happened since then.

1. I started that new job, and am liking it.
2. I have made some new friends at said job, and even recruited some old friends to come work with me. And I am loving it.
3. I found what I want to be when I "grow up". I decided to jump ahead and throw myself into studies to become a Physician's Assistant. I feel like I can truly help people this way. And I can also do a secret dream I have had for a long time. I would love to go on a missionary to another country and help.
4. I have found my love for reading again. I am knee deep in "The Time Traveler's Wife". And I have about 4 others to read next.
5. I have felt so lost, spiritually. I stumbled across a blog written by someone who led me to fit the pieces of the puzzle together and ultimately won my heart to Christ. Be aware, that this blog will from now on be ultimately about my path, my life, everything...but Christ will be the center of it and I will be discussing it.
6. Chris has become increasingly quiet and withdrawn. Which sometimes can be ok, but for someone with BiPolar, it isn't. I am trying very hard to get back the Chris I knew, and fell in love with.
7. My brother is on his 4th deployment, so many prayers are said for him everyday.

I think that's about it. I know there is so much more, but I just wanted to give you a update.

And yes I still think of Ladybird every single day. She was and is my baby. And I miss her. But God is helping heal my heart.

Missing Ladybird,