Friday, April 25, 2008

How do you take away the pain?

How do you take away the pain that the ones you love are experiencing? Seriously how do you?

My dear friend is hurting right now. I know she is, but she is hiding it very well. Her beloved Grandma died last night. It was expected, but sudden to the loved one's hearts. And the family is hurting. I wish I could take away that hurt. I really do.

No matter how much time is spent preparing for the inevitable, the final breaths and thereafter are always met with heartache. Your mind can say over and over again that it will be ok, but the heart really does trump the mind in instances like this. It's human to tell yourself that everything will be ok, that life will go on, that there is no suffering. But the heart sneaks up on you and hits you from behind.

And that is the hurt I want to take away.


Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Things that make you laugh...

So a drug rep came by a few days ago and gave us this desk calendar. Each day has a interesting tid bit of information. I like seeing the info for that day, makes me feel like I am learning something new.

So today was this...

In 1906, Teddy Roosevelt made the first sitting trip in a airplane, by a President, outside the United States, visiting Panama to inspect the construction progress of the Panama Canal.

So my question is this....

did all the other presidents stand and hold on for dear life?

ha ha ha

I crack myself up!

Commercial Vehicles

Commercial vehicles are prevalent everywhere. We have a large amount here in the Phoenix area. And sometimes they intrigue me enough to ponder their existence.

Like the ones that ask, "How is my Driving? Call....." and the number is scratched out. So scratched that you couldn't possibly call and complain about the moron in the huge truck that just cut you off.

Or how about the one I saw the back window it said Auto Glass, then had a phone number under that. I go to pass it, and glance over....there is HUGE crack in the windshield of this truck. Seriously? If you can't take the time to fix your company vehicles then why would I want you working on mine?

And then their was the pest control truck (I know it was a pest control truck because my Dad used to do that for a living at one time) where all the lettering on the vehicle was in spanish. Thank goodness I read spanish. But what about the average joe on the street. I understand that alot of spanish speaking people now live in Arizona, but I thought this was America and the language of the land was English?

Ok vent and rant over...

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Paper Letters

It honestly feels like forever since I sat down and actually wrote a written letter. Yes on paper with a pen even. Imagine that! I think the last time I had actually sat down and wrote such a letter was when my brother was stationed in Iraq.

Well his wife told me the other day that he loves letters and was quite bummed that he hadn't gotten as many as other people. So I sat down tonight and wrote him one. It was 4 pages long. And I tucked it inside a nice little card for him. Just something to brighten his day. I hope it will when he gets it. He has sacrificed so much for this country, whatever little bit I can do, I will.

I miss him alot. He has always been my source of laughter. No matter what he can make me laugh, even when I want to hit him upside the head or smack him. He always makes me laugh. One of the great, but yet can be annoying, things about him is that he doesn't take things outside the military seriously. It must be because of what he does. He needs his source of laughter, and unfortunately alot of the time I am that source. He never forgets a blunder moment or embarrassing moment, and he never fails to repeat it about a hundred times. The boy is annoying I tell you, but I love him. He is my little brother, but man sometimes.....well you get my drift.

So I wrote him an actual paper letter. I had to hunt and hunt for writing paper. I think its amazing that I did not have it readily available. And I also find it quite sad. Sad that no one really sits and writes letters anymore. Its all technology now. I mean back when I was a kid I would be writing this in a journal, not here online. Crazy how things have changed. Just purely crazy.

Makes you wonder sometimes...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

It's been awhile...

Well I had a blog done last night, but I have no idea what happened to it. It was somewhat uplifting and lighthearted maybe...I can't even remember now.

So I thought I would just blast some thoughts out here and see what happens. Maybe some therapeutic release or something.

Sometimes in life you are not handed the right hand. That hand is no good and you have to bluff your way thru the game. It's hard, but you do it. All the while remembering it's not the hand your dealt but how you play the card's that matters.

Thing's in my life are in somewhat of turmoil, I guess you could say for lack of a better word. Thing's are not how I invisioned them or dreamed about. But it is the hand I was dealt and I am struggling to play the card's correctly. It's a hard game, but I am trying.

My marriage isn't what I thought it was or even dreamed of it being. C has lied to me about so many things that I now often wonder if he even knows how to tell the truth. It's very sad when you can not trust your own husband. Very sad. I struggle everyday and desperately want to trust what he says and does. But I have come to the conclusion that I simply can not and there is nothing that I personally can do about it. I have expressed numerous times to him that my trust, respect, and appreciation for him are things that need to be earned back. I simply do not have those things in my vocabulary when I speak of him or even think of him.

He knows where I stand on the issues that have gone on. It's up to him to decide on how he wants to recify this situation. If he chooses to ignore it or chooses to not want to help this situation, then I can not be part of that. I need stability and a happy life. I will not settle for less. No way, no how. I have for too long and don't want it any longer.

As long as he continues to try and make things better for not only us but for him, then I will stand beside him. I understand people falter and stumble. But I refuse to stand next to someone who trips, falls and refuses to get up.

Remember its how the cards are played thats important.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

She is a Champion!

Lady amazes me sometimes. I teach her to sit on her hind legs and I think I am a genius. That was until she amazed me today.

We went to the Doxie Day's here in town. Basically everyone comes who owns a dach and enjoys each others company along with seeing other dogs and even partaking in some fun. They had a obstacle course there where you were graded on how well you did.

Lady amazed the heck out of me. The doggie that all I have taught her is to stand on her hind legs, got a 21 out of 21! She hopped up on the step stool, jumped into tires, ran thru a tunnel, went thru a pole weaving thing, jumped thru a huge tire, and jumped over 2 poles. And she did this only with my holding her leash and saying," come on miss lady bird, good lady bird."

So I am a proud mommy. I have her "report card" on the fridge. Right next to the doggie paw prints we made too.

Such a proud mommy I tell you...