Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The Great Halloween Scare!


I do not have many scary stories or stories that make you go hmmm. This one takes the cake tho.

I am at work. Chris calls me to say the trick or treaters have started coming. Gosh darn! I still have over a half hour left to go. Man those little buggers are hungry this year. Either that or they are really excited about some show on later tonight.

Anyways. I speed home, hoping to catch at least one cute trick-or-treater. Alas I have!

Chris, Panther, Lady and myself plant our happy butts in some chairs in the driveway. We are armed with 9, yes 9, bags of chocolate along with our carved pumpkins. We are excited. At least Chris and I are. Panther couldnt care less and Lady is shaking like a leaf. All these people scare the heck out of her and bore the heck out of Panther.

So we are handing out candy. We see pretty princesses, scary pirates, a boy riding a flamingo, a bloody clown, a rapper, and then the most scariest. Now brace yourself.

This, what I thought was a kid, kid comes racing thru our yard. In VERY broken english I hear, "Trick or Treat" and have a bag thrust in my face. I look up to see this person dressed with a cape and extremely white paint on their face. I look closer and this person looks to be at least 35. She is an Indian. Can barely speak english and to top it all off has the worst BO (body odor) a person has. Its nasty.

I quickly throw a piece into her bag. As she walks away I turn to Chris. He turns to me and at the same time we ask each other...was that a old lady?

Talk about scary!

Ok, you dragged me what?

I have been informed, by a reliable source, that I have not blogged recently. And that my not blogging has hindered this persons ability to be entertained. So here I am.

So I am entertaining, huh? This I find extremely comical. I seriously have always believed I have to be the most boringest (is that a word? if not it is now!) person on the face of this earth. I do nothing, achieve nothing, lack everything, and everything else in between. Ok you either are A. laughing at me or B. saying to yourself this girl has got to be a moron/or dumb. Either way, I am what I am and I is what I is.

I have not had anything to blog lately. I am really boring. I literally sleep, go to work, eat, shower...go thats it. See, boring. I warned you. You didn't heed my advice and kept reading.

So the babbling has began...............

I think today is 4 weeks into having Lady (our puppy)...hmmm is that right? Shucks I have no idea. God I am a horrible mother. Anywho. As I am typing this she is laying ever so gently on a pillow on the top of my desk. She is sawing logs, off in dreamland. Which is where I should be if said person did not remind me that my blogging was seriously lacking. Remind me to complain later...anyways. Lady has become a extended extremity. She is always right there, always attached to me, always has to see me...well you get my drift. I have been told this is what having a child is like, but I have yet to test that theory.

Its Halloween...or as said person and I call it, Halloweenie. I was lucky enough to get off work early to race home to feed the begging children (which I will save for a later story...ok I will blog it tonight). I didnt dress up or anything. But I did get home in time to hand some candy out to these children. Lady, Panther (the other dog), Chris and I sat out front with a bowl of candy, our carved pumpkins, and each other. It was kinda cute to see the kids...err I mean kids and adults (read my story).

Im tired now. I want to sleep. OOOO I have a couple pieces of candy to hunt chocolate now!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

It takes time...

Thats right it takes time to even think of what to say here let alone actually write/type it out.

Its been a few days and I seriously have nothing to even complain, whine, gripe, rejoice, be happy about, or even gab about. How depressing is that? Seriously.

I guess my life is boring...I need topics to write about. Any suggestions?

Saturday, October 13, 2007

I miss him

So today was my Uncle's wedding. Now before I begin this whole story, let me tell you he is not the one I am going to say I miss.

Today was a very beautiful day. The weather was nice. The surroundings stunning. And it was the perfect day for a wedding.

Today my Uncle married his high school sweetheart after all these years. To hear the story of how they reconnected is wonderful and sweet.

So during the reception there were several times I was reminded of the person I miss. Once was during the showing of the new married couple how to kiss. The DJ called on several different couples, mainly my uncles and their wives, to show the newlyweds how a real married couple should kiss.

The next time was during the married couples dance. It was right after the newlyweds first dance. They called out all the married couples to come dance. It was sweet.

The next time was when they got all the married couples out to the dancefloor to dance and the DJ called out if you had been married under X amount of years leave the dance floor....the last couple standing would be the ones married the longest. The couple left dancing was married 53 years!

So these three things scream out who I missed. I missed my husband. He stayed home, not feeling 100%. And I missed him.

I missed the pain in my neck would makes me laugh and loves me for me. Guess I better go give him a kiss, huh?

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Two girls and a much older sister...

I did something today I have never done, nor ever thought I would....

My poor poor sister, who will be 12 in a couple weeks, wanted to hang out with her friend so badly today. Another one of her friends had planned for the 3 of them to go play miniature golf. Well the girl flaked out and never called my sister or her friends.

Feeling bad for her, I suggested a movie...and gasp...I would take them...gasp. Yes I have to be crazy right? Ehh it wasnt so bad.

After telling them, no you can not go see a movie about two men marrying and pretending to be gay...they decided on a light hearted coming of age movie...

I can honestly say I am glad we saw this instead of the other one. It wasnt bad at all, pretty cute. They had a wonderful time laughing at the funny parts, whispering thier secrets, and in general hanging out.

It was really cool, mainly because I got to be the cool big sister...ok much cooler much older big sister (you sooo dont have to remind me).

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Bring me the freakin Tacos!

Ok tacos isnt entirely what this is about, I promise I will get to the tacos!

So I have gotten probally about 4 or 5 phone calls from my local Walgreens. Its literally a mile from my house. I pass it everyday on my way to and from work. Its literally right there.

Why the phone calls?

Seems I have a photo order at their store. I vaguelly remember placing a order so that my photo saving account with them wouldnt be cancelled.

Chris went there tonight to buy TP (man I hate being out) and asked me if I wanted it picked up. I said sure!

He brings it home. I look on the sticker of the envelope of pictures.

They were done on 8/30/07 (oops over a month ago) and the total was $0.76. They seriously called me over such a small amount? Crazy.

O the tacos......I really want Jack in the Box tacos. Knew I needed a hook to get you interested in this rambling.


Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Butterfly Kisses

Butterfly Kisses

There's two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she's
daddy's little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and
I thank god for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;
sticking little white flowers all up in her
hair; "Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it's my first ride."
"I know the cake looks funny, Daddy, but I sure tried."
In all that I've done wrong I know I must
have done something right to deserve a hug
every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet 16 today
She's looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part girl.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her wings out in a great big world.

But I remember
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer; sticking
little white flowers all up in her hair.
"You know how much I love you, Daddy, But if you
don't mind I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time."
With all that I've done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I'm thinking and I said "I'm not
sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over...gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry!"

Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses-I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.


This is the song that I danced to with my Dad to at my wedding. It was a very special song to me. I think mainly because of its innocence. To me it struck me as something I had always wanted, unconditional love, from my father.

Lemme explain that. Its not meant to be taken as my father never loving me, it means alot more than that.

Growing up my Dad and I never had a "great" relationship. There was alot of strains. There was alot of hurt feelings and alot of tears. Most of it was feelings on my part. I never knew the right way to approach my Dad. It could have been as simple as asking if I could get a drink of kool-aid. I simply did not know how to read him. I feared upsetting him and feared his disapproval. It was a constant thought of mine. I ended up thinking if I was out of the way, I was less of a pain. I spent a great deal of time in my room, mainly reading, drawing, or writing.

I yearned for approval, not exactly sure why, but I did. I did my best in school, came home straight from school, did my chores, did homework, cleaned my room, and basically was quiet. I actually rarely gave my parents reason to punish me. Dont get me wrong, I got punished but not nearly as much as normal children.

So basically I was in my room alot. I then met some friends, Julie and Kristin, and realized I was liked and could maintain friendships while doing all the things I had been doing. I was a good girl in junior high. I made National Honor Society and still maintained my friendships. I didnt dare bring up boys, that was a mute point in the house. My father would hear nothing of the sorts.

I eventually met a boy, Chad, who would eventually become my first real boyfriend. We had a great relationship, over the phone. We talked all through the summer before our Freshman year. We developed a great friendship. When we began our Freshman year, Chad finally asked me to be his girlfriend. It was the first time I was ever asked that question and I jumped at the chance. I vaguely remember casually mentioning it to my parents, but I think I played it off as no big deal.

Chad and I eventually grew apart and broke up. It was a time where I wished my Dad would have hugged me and told me that it was all going to be ok. But I didnt have that. It was the first true heartbreak I had gone thru and I had no one to talk to about it.

I continued on thru highschool. I had a brief relationship my Junior year, I dont even remember his name, thats how much it mattered. When I came upon my Senior year alot of things came to blows.

My father walked out on his job. He was apparently going thru alot of things. I sure didnt understand it. He never opened up. He drank alot and took alot of prescription pills (never prescribed for him, but furnished by my "mother"). One night I woke up to hear him crying. I walked into the kitchen and there he stood with my mom (Michele, actually my step-mom). He was crying. Michele had threatened to leave him because of his drinking. He went cold sober.

It was a rough time. There was no pleasing my Dad during that time. I walked on egg shells everyday and hoped to not upset him. This was also the time where my brother started to really test waters and really piss me off.

One day I was doing chores and told him he needed to do his. He basically told my Dad I was bossing him around. I guess that was enough to cause my Dad to get really angry because he began yelling at me. He accused me and my friends of alot of things. And then proceeded to tell me that if I didnt like it to leave.

I packed some belongings and left. I was a senior in highschool. I had a car and no where to live. I walked away from the only home I had ever known, and I never returned. It was the hardest time in my life and one that I will never forget. I still remember what I grabbed that day and where I went after leaving.

I continued thru my senior year and graduation was drawing closer. The entire year I had not talked to my Dad. I was told thru my brother and Mother that my Dad fully expected me to come home that night. He was literally devestated when I never came back.

We have never talked about what happened. We never appologized to each other. We both have swept it under the rug and do not want to revisit the past.

After a few years we began having the relationship I had always wanted. We began talking, began speaking, and listening to each other. Today the father I have is not the father I had growing up. He calls me kiddo now, hugs me, tells me is proud of me and danced with me at my wedding.

I've never told anyone what he said to me as we danced, and I probally never will. Its a moment in time that I had longed for as a child. One too precious to share. Call me selfish, but I cant share that moment.

Yesterday as I visited him I was reminded of what he used to be. I try to remember the good things. Him playing baseball, coaching my brothers little league team, umpiring games, owning his own business, and working on cars come to mind. He can't do those things anymore. Its hard sometimes for me to watch him and how he moves. He is becoming more weak everyday. It breaks my heart. He is one strong man tho in mind.

And everyday I thank God for the gift of my fathers love and friendship, because I know what it is like to wonder if it was ever there....

Monday, October 1, 2007

Finding one's path

The twenties are supposed to be the time in your life where you find yourself and your path in life. Or at least they tell me...

I'm 27. I have no idea what the heck my path is or even what I am really about. I haven't graduated fully from college (I have graduated from a program tho), I don't own my own home, I have no children, and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Sounds incredibly horrible right? Ehh...might not be to some, but it's beginning to bother the heck outta me.

The more I look back on my past, the more I remember that I thought I would have accomplished so much more by now. Back as a senior in highschool, I imagined myself settled in a home, with a husband, career and maybe even a few kids by now. I imagined I would be extremely happy and content. I imagined that my life would be full of fun, never heartaches.

Now looking at the present and the future I am filled with so much uncertaintly. I have the hardest times lately. Some would go screaming for the hills with the problems I have had, yet I haven't. Which I still think means I am a nut. I don't know how I haven't ended up in an institution yet. But alas, I take one day at a time.

More so lately I have learned that things do not exactly follow the path's your heart dreams of when you were younger. Things happen and change. Things may not be as they seem. And sometimes those things are happening for a reason.

Lately I have been drawn more and more to finding my path, mainly with God. I can not explain why. It's true that suddenly I woke up and thought about God one day. I mean I have always believed, but one day I woke up and wondered what my relationship was with him. I wondered if I would ever "figure" it out.

So in trying to find my path, I have tried to find my relationship with God and what it all means. Its a very slow process, full of many questions that I know no answers to. But I am searching and looking for my path. Mainly my path to God.