Tuesday, May 4, 2010

It's been a week...

A week that was quite difficult I might add.  But I am here.

I am stuck in a rut right now.  Not knowing what to do, smile or cry?  I had four people yesterday ask me if I was ok.  Apparently I looked like I could cry.  But I wasn't going to, so I am not sure what look I had on my face.

I started back up on my cocktail of antidepressants. I call it a cocktail, because I don't drink anymore and it's kinda funny to say my cocktail.  As if I would drink. lol.

I am back on Wellbutrin in the moring, Celexa at dinner, and Elavil at night.

I have alot of anger issues.  They stem from a variety of things.  Not many people see the really truly angry person that I am.  I hide it very well.  I bottle it up inside of myself.  And then there is my depressed state.  Where I am just utterly depressed.  I don't want to get out of bed, yet I can't sleep.  It's a yo yo that I hate.  But I am not bipolar.  I don't have "manic" phases.  I do not experience any highs.

So in the past Wellbutrin worked extremely well in keeping my anger in check.  My anger depression as I call it.  And the Celexa worked great to keep my depression in check.  By accident I found out the combo of the two helped me alot.  So a month or so ago the doctor and I decided to try the combo again.  I tried the Wellbutrin by itself, but it just didn't work.  So we reintroduced the Celexa.

And to help me sleep we decided on Elavil.  That one has a two fold advantage for me.  I get to sleep and it helps with the neuropathy and pain in my legs.  So great right?

Well not so fast.

I find it absolutely hilarious that given what I do for a living, Pharmacy, I simply can not remember to take my medications.  It's quite comical.  So really I have been forgetting these medications.  So I haven't been consistantly taking them to reach a level to see if they truly work.

So after having a conversation with my friend, Juliet, she suggested maybe a pill holder.  I said I tried those and they didn't work so well.  But I was willing to try again.  I also mentioned that I had had a friend who sometimes would remind me too.  She would ask me, "have you taken your meds today?"  I never took offense to it, it honestly was nice to hear someone ask me.  Like they were trying to take care of me.

So yesterday Juliet asked me if I had taken my medications.  Yep!  I have this pill holder thing.  I has individual little containers for each day.  Each day is in its own little shelf.  I pull out the day of the week and can slip the holder in my pocket if I have to.  It has been making my life alot easier.

It is still really early to see if these are all helping.  But I am hopeful.  I had a bit of setback this weekend, where I didn't get out of bed until Sunday afternoon when my Mom called me.  But I know that I might have day's like that.  And that is ok.  I just have to take each day when it comes. 

Afterall, tomorrow has enough worries of its own.


Sara said...

I have the same issue about forgetting to take meds. Then I get the daily pill thingy but forget to fill it each week. Hopefully your "cocktail" will work out for you. ((hugs))

hangel said...

Set an alarm on your phone. It will go off at the same time each day. :-) It worked better when we worked together...

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