Just for you, Sara...Insurance Companies Suck!

Here is a blog post just for Sara, who mentions that I am neglecting my posts ;)

I get a phone call today, explaining that my auto insurance has lapsed. Huh? How can it lapse? I am on direct withdrawl from my checking account, just so this won't happen!

The stupid insurance company didn't take the money out of my account, like I had thought. First they tell me it's because of insufficient fund (lie, total lie, I had way more money in the account than the stupid payment) and then next it's my account was closed (lie again). I am so freaking mad at them its ridiculous.

So I highly suggest staying completely away from Progressive Auto Insurance.

The dream that has me wondering.

I had a very disturbing dream. I am still thinking about it here 24 hours afterwards.

So I was dreaming about being on a boat. It was a huge boat with rooms, and bathrooms, and all kinds of things. I remember it being big, probably like Titanic big, but not as glamorous. But sink worthy just like the Titanic.

So I am on this boat. I remember being on it with some friends. I can picture them, but don't know their names. And I was with my father. Why of all people in the world he was there, I wasn't sure but at the end of the dream I understood why.

We are having drinks, laughing, having a good time.

Suddenly the boat breaks in half, starts to sink, as we are just there laughing and having a good time. Next thing I know my Dad is getting into this truck that drives under water. In the seat is my dog, Lady. She is telling me (yes telling me, cause apparently in this bizarroland she can talk), that I need to hightail it and run towards her.

I take off running towards her, cause wouldn't you? If your little bitty dog is talking wouldn't you be all, "dude my dog is talking."

Then suddenly we are underwater. I am running on the floor of the ocean towards the truck. People are acting weird and not even worried they are underwater. My Dad is attaching a rope to the truck. The rope is tied to the boat and he is going to pull it to shore. Cause his truck is like monster truck strong and can pull a truck the size of the Titanic.

And I am then sitting in the truck saying, "dude this crap is weird, no one cares." And my Dad says, "they don't care because of the booze."

Booze? Who the heck knows. I was confused then and still am.

So he pulls the boat to the shore and then the people are mad at him. Mad cause they are underwater people who like the water. So they start to throw seaweed at him.


Then I woke up.

Do you think that Vicodin I took before bed had any effect?

Call Animal 911!

Quite often I am amazed at the antics of my animals. Brace yourself, I talk about them often enough to just almost step over the line into "Crazy Pet Lady". I am very careful with that. I don't want my legacy on this world to be "The Lady who wouldn't shut up about her animals".

So where was I? O yes, my animals.

So I am here watching the dearly departed Patrick Swayze's all-time most sexiest movie, Dirty Dancing. I look over to find Chester (my male cat) with his face shoved into the blanket. Gosh his life must be so overly devestating if he thinks his best way to go is to suffocate himself in my blanket.

The poor little guy. Ok he isn't so little. I took him to the vet a few years ago, had his manhood taken away, and he blew up. Blew up to about 20 pounds. I have a 20 pound cat, whose manhood is gone, he is slower than molasses, and now is shoving his face into my blanket. Think I should be concerned?

Free tickets sound good, in the beginning...

So tonight I gathered up the posse. And when I say posse I mean my husband, mother and her boyfriend. I am such a badass, ain't I?

We went to yet another Arizona Diamondbacks game. This time our free tickets came with exceptional seats. Exceptional, I say! I could literally touch the wall between the stands and the field. It was beyond awesome.

That was until we sat down. The seats were angled in the most craziest way EVER. You had to turn your neck just right where you thought either your head is going to fall off or you just might NEVER get to turn your head again EVER!

So ok the seats are not in the greatest place like I thought. But that wasn't the only thing! Then we get to sit next to these pre-madonna's who think they are the queen bee's. Uggh! They reeked of nasty perfume. Chris said he thought many times of throwing up.

To top it all off, the Diamonbacks lost again! This makes the third game we have gone to where they lose. Now someone in their right mind may say, "maybe we shouldn't go to a game again. We are bad luck." But in my world I blame it all on my husband and tell him it's all his fault, where he in turn tell's me it's my fault.

And then I say, "well fine then. I'm gonna take back your matchy matchy shirt!"

I bought us matching Diamondback shirts during a moment of weakness and much less clarity then normal. Never in the 11 years he and I have been together have I ever bought us matching anything. So why now of all day's did I think it was a good idea to purchase matching t-shirts? I blame it on the hotdogs. Yep, the hotdogs. It's the drugs they put in those things.

Frisky Friday with a freakish twist

This sorta freaks me out.

Go ahead and tell on me punk!

I seriously am not sure how much more of this particular student I can take.

For those who do not know, I teach now. I teach at a technical college, teaching a pharmacy technician program. I absolutely love doing it. It's so nice to teach people something that I have been doing for a long time. Never did I think I would actually end up teaching anyone, let alone college students.

It's been fun and challenging, but a good challenging. Good until I have to deal with this one particular student.

We will call him Howard.

Howard is intelligent, he does work hard, I give him that much credit. But he is a pain in the ass.

Everything is a fight with him. I don't give him what is going to be on the test, so he fails. I set him up to fail. I must be out to get him. I give him books with the print so small he can't see them. I give him tests that are hard. I do this, I do that.

First of all I do not write the tests. They are written by the program manager. She writes the curriculum and also any tests or practicals. I just administer the tests she writes. I teach the curriculum and add in my own takes on things.

Last night this Howard person complains that I didn't give him a book during computer class. I stood up at the front of the class and said if anyone needed a book to let me know, I had a couple. Also to raise their hands to let me know when they finished a lesson. Not once did this student raise his hand to ask me for a book or to state he finished the lesson.

But somehow he says that I refused to help him or to "teach" him. So he runs off to tell my boss, the director, on me. Then he sits there for the remainder of class with a smug look on his face and looks down his nose at me.

I really could just smack the crap out of him.

What's absolutely hilarious is that his "girlfriend" sits next to him in class. While he was telling on me, she came up to me to tell me that he was telling on me and that she thought it was ridiculous that he was.

So I say go ahead and tell on me punk. Remember I am the teacher, I could make your life a living hell if I wanted to.....

My husbands anti-everything on the computer...

He really is! I can't mess with him like other wives mess with their husbands.

He doesn't like:

Facebook- "I have to start a profile, then remember a password? No thanks, thats too much work."

Myspace- "I have a myspace, but I forgot the password"

Emails- "Its that password thing..."

So then I mention that I could write these "passwords" down next to the computer...

And he say's "But don't I have to have a password to get on the computer?"

*head hits desk*

So I guess I have a husband who won't be entertaining, let me make fun of him but pestering him on the interwebs, or engage in online love comments to me. But I do guess there is some kind of secret thrill with knowing I can say whatever I want without him ever seeing it. *insert evil grin and laugh*

Must have been Monday

It's Sunday and I really wish that this weekend wasn't almost over. I am still tired!

Because I have a long week ahead of me, I am posting my Monday blog tonight.

Monday's are devoted to things that just don't make sense. I can't explain them...but its Monday, and crazy stuff happens on Mondays.

So for this first Monday blog, I have no clue what to say about this. You leave a comment, tell me what to say....I am lost for words.

Feeling Frisky Friday

This day totally sucked

Well it's almost 3 am. I am not talking about today for reals, I mean yesterday. But because I haven't gone to sleep, we will just say it's today. And if you don't like it, well tough shit to you. This is my blog, not your's so there.

I am sitting here at 3 am listening to the dryer finish drying the clothes, to the movie Cider House Rules, and to the hum of this computer. I was reading a very funny blog with some ramblings from a woman I think just may be half insane or just plain hilarious. I haven't decided which.

What's the point here? Well I totally was going to get to it but I got side tracked with the thoughts of trying to tell you about this blogger.

Crap now I can't remember.... uggh!

So maybe I will just give you a snip it of my marriage...

*phone rings (I am in the car, calling Chris at home)*

Chris: hello

Me: Hey did you find that drink in the bag?

Chris: Drink? What drink and what bag?

Me: You know the bag I gave you with the grapes?

Chris: You gave me grapes? When?

Me: It was like this morning. Don't you remember?

Chris: Are you on crack? Have you run into a lamp pole? You didn't give me any grapes.

Me: O yes I did. I did it this morning, right after I had to scoop poop off the bed cause Lady pooped on the bed.

Chris: Now I know your really high. Lady has never pooped on the bed.

Me: O yeah she did, I had to scoop it off. I know she did.

Chris: Your hurting my head...

Me: You should probally take some medicine for that. But I am telling you I had to scoop it off, then I threw it on the floor.

Chris: Since when do you scoop poop off the bed and throw it on the floor? Seriously

Me: Well it happened today, I am telling you. You don't believe me? Why would I lie?

Chris: I am not saying your lying, I am saying you have lost your freaking mind.

Me: No you lost yours. You think I am messing with you. Why would I? I woke up, scooped poop and then gave you grapes.

Chris: And where did you get the grapes?

Me: I got them at the store, silly. Right after I scooped the poop.

Chris: *sigh*

Me: So have you found it yet?

Chris: Found what? The poop?

Me: Not the poop! Don't you remember what we were talking about?

Chris: No, you are rambling and I have a headache

Me: I told you to take medicine. God why don't you ever listen to me?

Chris: I try but then you talk.

Me: Your mean. I don't like you. Forget I called. Don't eat the grapes. I poisoned them.

Chris: You poisoned them?

Me: Yep

Chris: And when did this happen?

Me: After I gave you the drink.

Chris: What drink?

Me: The one you were supposed to be looking for in the bag with the grapes.

Chris: *sigh* I don't know what to do with you...