Friday, July 11, 2008

Cordless Jump Rope

I've gotten a couple of questions about this wonderful most excellent invention (note sarcasm and sheer annoyance). I decided to do some sleuthing. Good old google works wonders my friends.

I found an article by the "genius" that invented this contraption.

Here are my favorite quotes:

- "What makes this invention work is the moving weights inside the handles. They simulate the feel of a rope moving, Clancy said. Well, it's only one handle so far because Clancy is waiting for financial backers before building its partner."

Keep on waiting buddy is what I normally would say, but considering you can buy this contraption it only means that some moron had faith that this thing would actually sell. But alas, the moron that partnered with this inventor wasn't so dumb. They banked on the average American buying it. And it worked! Because only in America can you invent shit and someone will buy it and hord it away.

-It's perfect for the clumsy, Clancy said. "If you are still jumping, you're still using your legs as well as your arms, and getting the cardiovascular workout. You just don't have to worry about tripping on the rope."

Ok, seriously? Who after the age of say 7 trips over the rope of a jump rope? Please tell me one person. Come on, in order for this piece of crap to sell we must find several thousands maybe even millions. O but wait, we are a lazy country and we just know that this will get us up off out asses and we won't have to worry about explaining that bruise to the head at the office come Monday morning.

-It is also good for mental institutions and prisons where rope is a suicide risk, said Clancy, who works as a laundry coordinator in a state prison. And low ceiling fans aren't a hazard any more, he said.

Who the hell is using jump ropes under low ceiling fans? And if they are, they deserve the ass kicking they will get with a jump rope weilding a million miles an hour around a room. Hell I would pay money to watch that crap.

-That's right, a jump-rope minus the rope. All that's left is two handles, so you jump over the pretend rope. Or if you are truly lazy, you can pretend to jump over the pretend rope.

Ok, pretend to jump rope? If you need to "pretend" just to pacify the need to say you work out, you need to really get a life. Either that or your a bigger moron than you know. First of all, no one over the age of say 12 jump ropes anymore. If you walk up to someone, weighing 200+ pounds, I can guarantee you that if you tell anyone you are jump roping they will NOT believe you. It's not hard to deduct that a 200+ pound person is not jumping in the air. I have a stomach, I know how it feels, and no way in hell am I jumping around.

Want more info?


hangel said...

Good for prisoners and those in mental institutions? WTF? Seriously? That is because only the crazy people and the extremely bored people will use it!