I haven't been here for awhile...

I haven't been here for awhile. And for a good reason. But I was on facebook and my brother said something about a thought provoking website..funny that I should think of this place.

I haven't been here for a good reason...

This place is titled "You say Hotdog, I say Huttdog." It was titled that way for a number of reasons, but the main reason was because of my little wiener dog, Ladybird.

I found it hilarious to come here and talk about her every once in a great while and also about my adventures. I found it hilarious that I titled it that way as well.

But on November 21st something horrific happened. Something that wouldn't allow me to come here until now.

I lost Ladybird. She died on November 21st.

I am truely lost without her and unsure how much I will be here to post. I will try...but I may even start up a new blog. Who really knows. For now tho I am leaving everything here in hopes that someday I can come back and read about the things that were happening in my life when she was alive.

For now I will leave this here...hopefully come back to tell you all the story about her life and death. For now I will mourn her death...with her sitting beside me on the nightstand (I had her cremated).

RIP
Ladybird Elizabeth Fyffe-Allard

I can't make this up even if I tried...

Today is a calamity of randomness.

First off I slept until 12:35pm. Yes you read that right. I forgot to set the alarm on my phone. So I just slept and slept. I woke up in a panic and screamed to Chris downstairs. He came trudging up the steps and asked me what. I said, " why the heck didn't you wake me up!?" And he stated he knew I was tired. And then I proceeded to scramble in a hurry to get things done. I kept muttering that I had things to do and I wish he would have woke me up.

And then the mountain of laundry has begun.

And then I had to run to the pharmacy to pick up Chris' morphine. Yeah he is on morphine. *sigh*

And then I had to run to work.

And halfway through the first class I remembered that I hadn't eaten or dranken anything. So my sugar started to crash.

So then I had to find money for a coke.

And then I got off work....

And found somewhere to eat....

And now I am home.

I never said this would be an exciting blog.

*sigh* ok he is cool...

I am now getting hate mail. HATE MAIL! Can you believe that? Little ole me getting hate mail? Such a travesty! This is either a post you will understand or not give a rats tail end about.*

I offended some international hate group (ok, not so much a group because it only is made up of one person, but shit she is in Canada and I am sure she can get a load of them rounded up to kick my ass). This group is EXTREMELY pro-Karate Kid. Yes you heard me right, Karate Kid.

Yes I realize that I must have said something horrific to piss off someone who loves a movie that came out, what a million years ago? I guess I did.

My life is over. Truely over. I pissed someone off that loves some geeky, weird shirt wearing, teenager. I offended them so much that I need to fear for my life.

I have since taken up in the witness protection program. They made a special circumstance for me and allowed me into the group. Seen as how I really didn't witness anything they made room for me. They said they didn't want to piss of the Canadians. I said, "eh, fine find me a cool crib to live in."

So now I am sitting here in this crap fest of a house. Somehow I think the Canadian won.

I should probally appologize. She is really smart and I bet she will find me. Crap. Ok fine, he is cool.

*Betcha only Sara cares...

I just wasted about 10 minutes on something that doesn't exist

I lay in bed last night thinking about things that apparently do not exist.

So I researched it today on the net. Cause I am a researcher and all bad ass and totally want to be ever smarter.

But it didn't exist at all.

I was thinking about how I just started my period and here Lady has been in heat for a week. I wondered if pheromones ever made that species break. Like do we sense each others pheromones. Not in the sense of like getting it on, but for females. Like do we sense one is ovulating, going into heat, whatever. Cause you know that women do that when we get together for long periods of time.

Well apparently what I was wondering doesn't even exist. It can't happen. So it just so happens and is purely a coincidence that this happens to Lady and I.

Whatever.

Fine I won't be a scientist....and I should probally lay off the Vicodin at night.

The pitter patter of my heart

Yesterday was the day from hell, quite literally. My head felt like someone had kicked me in the back of it. Kinda like those karate kicks. Not Karate Kid like, cause well thats so 80's and kinda gay. But like Jett Lee or Jackie Chan, all bad ass and totally painful.

I laid in bed all day. Yes all day. And it wasn't one of those days where hot men feed you grapes as you lay all queen-like on a beautiful fluffy couch with a pillow under one arm. And hot sweat glistening men feed you grapes. No it was one of those, if I move one inch I just may die.

So Saturday was completely shot. I only ventured down stairs and out the front door to go get Chris Mc Donalds. Because I am so bad ass and such a great wife that I feed my husband greasy nasty fried mess. I am waiting for my nomination, go ahead nominate me...I will work on my acceptance speech.

My Mother called me late last night and asked me if I would like to go to the State Fair. I said why not. Admission fare had dropped to a reasonable rate, where I wouldn't need to morgage a house or take a loan out or hell even sell my good kidney. We decided to go ahead and go.

We were walking around looking at the exhibits and whatnot. It's amazing what a $30 jar of jewelry cleaner will clean. And how about that band you wrap around your wrist? It's made of velcro and somehow cures MS. Holy crap!

But then the pitter patter of my heart began to beat even faster.
This is what I saw...



and



Its Peter Facinelli.

Who is that? Well here he is to refresh your memory.

He is the guy in the middle.....Carlisle Cullen.




I SAW him!!!!
And got this...




OMG I am in heaven. Staring at his picture on my desk right now.

He was at the fair doing some autograph signing. I found out about it at the last minute and dragged Chris over to get his autograph. Poor Chris was the only male, besides Peter and his body guards, for at least a two block radius.

Thoughts of running away with him went through my mind. Having his love child, doing naughty things too. But then he rode away on a golf cart. And then I saw his wife....



JENNIE GARTH!!!

You know, Kelly from 90210!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am super cool. Totally cool cause I didn't bomb rush her. I let her walk by me, let her be awesome. Cause she had her daughter.

So I had like the day to be all days! I am so cool!

At a fork in the road

There comes a time in every person's life where we come to a cross road or a fork in the road.

We wonder if we should achieve more, if we should be greatful for what we have, if we really do have it all.

We relish in the things that we have seen, done, and spent time on. We remember all the times we spent with family, laughing, crying and even arguing. We think back on little things that happened, things that may have not even meant anything to anyone, but it did to us.

And we enter this fork in the road.

Which path do we choose? Do we continue on with what we are doing? Do we go to the right with one decision? Or do we go to the left with a different decision?

No matter the way, it will have trials and tribulations. It will have reprocussions. It will have heartache. And it will have madness.

But it also could have happiness, new beginnings, new endings, and new memories.

So which road do we choose?

Spilled Soda

Today is just another day in the world, but it was a nice day for me. The weather is beautiful and its so nice to have the window's open, allowing the great beautiful air into the house.

Ok probally not beautiful, but it's nice to have fresh air in the house.

I got alot done, for once.

So much done. Macaroni salad made, dishes washed, kichen cleaned, living room cleaned, floors vacummed and steam mopped, everything dusted and in its place. It's so nice to have a clean house. It makes you feel good to be around clean things. I hope it gets Chris out of his funk as well as mine.

So spilled soda? What does that have to do with anything?

Chris spilled soda on the tile floor in the living room. He didn't clean it up so well, so it made a huge mess. Thank goodness for the shark steam mop.

You've disappointed me (you in general, not you reading this...you know who you are)

I go to your blog...EVERY SINGLE DAY. I search for your next escapade...EVERY SINGLE DAY. I get a message from you "Blog you nut, you haven't blogged!!"

Yet I go to your blog and you have nothing. No funny story, no quirky anadotes, no inspiring words of wisdom...NOTHING.

My day is not complete without visiting your blog, yet there is NOTHING for me to read.

Do you know how busy I am? Don't you know that I visit your blog EVERY SINGLE DAY in hopes of laughing and then I get NOTHING?

BLOG!!!!

The weater is cooling, leaves are falling...

And I think I am getting sick.

YIPEEEE!

So these dimwit students of mine are sick. I teach 2 different subjects (Anti-infectives and the Micro-Computers). Both of which are extremely interesting...NOT! One class I actually teach twice, so I have them for both classes. Then I teach a third hour to a completely different set of students. The first two hours of class, the student population is small and we are in a huge classroom. Or maybe its just a big class and the room is so big they seem small? Or maybe I am teaching midgets? OOOO now that is cool!

The third hour I am teaching a large class (maybe giants?). This group of students consists of 19 people. They are all crammed in a very small classroom with the other instructor for 2 classes. These poor students are in like a incubator. I call them my incubator students.

Half of them are sick, throwing up, etc. You think these morons would stay home? Nope they come to class and share the sickness. And now I think they shared it with me!!

FRIGGIN FRACKING!!! I don't want to be sick. I don't have time for this. My ear hurts and is popping. Great! My body aches. UGGH!!!

Can someone come teach these morons? It's easy, promise.

An afternoon of bliss...

Cleaning bliss that is.

I moved all my bedroom furniture around all by myself. And then I cleaned the entire room. And when I say cleaned, I say cleaned.

I vaccummed, dusted, cleaned behind furniture, reorganized the nightstand drawers, threw away some things I just don't need anymore, etc.

Basically a deep clean.

It's so lethargic to see a nice and tidy room, one the is clean, dustless, and smells all purty.

One word

I stole this off another blog I go to. Give it a whirl, it might be fun :)


Answer each question with ONLY ONE WORD. You can elaborate or explain an answer only if asked.

1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your hair? Down
3. Your mother? Crazy
4. Your father? Funny
5. Your favorite food? Mexican
6. Your dream last night? unmemorable
7. Your favorite drink? Coke
8. Your dream/goal? Peace
9. What room are you in? Bedroom
10. Your hobby? Reading
11. Your fear? Real
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy
13. Where were you last night? Bed
14. Something that you aren’t? Patient
15. Muffins? Sure
16. Wish list item? Vacation
17. Where did you grow up? phoenix
18. Last thing you did? TV
19. What are you wearing? shorts
20. Your TV? On
21. Your pets? Crazy
22. Friends? Fantabulous!
23. Your life? Mess
24. Your mood? Blah
25. Missing someone? Yep
26. Vehicle? Chevy
27. Something you’re not wearing? Thong
28. Your favorite store? Target
29. Your favorite color? Red
30. When was the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Tonight
32. Your best friend? Funny
33. One place that I go to over and over? Work
34. One person who emails me regularly? APS
35. Favorite place to eat? Restaurant

I tag all of you. What's your word?

Just for you, Sara...Insurance Companies Suck!

Here is a blog post just for Sara, who mentions that I am neglecting my posts ;)

I get a phone call today, explaining that my auto insurance has lapsed. Huh? How can it lapse? I am on direct withdrawl from my checking account, just so this won't happen!

The stupid insurance company didn't take the money out of my account, like I had thought. First they tell me it's because of insufficient fund (lie, total lie, I had way more money in the account than the stupid payment) and then next it's my account was closed (lie again). I am so freaking mad at them its ridiculous.

So I highly suggest staying completely away from Progressive Auto Insurance.

The dream that has me wondering.

I had a very disturbing dream. I am still thinking about it here 24 hours afterwards.

So I was dreaming about being on a boat. It was a huge boat with rooms, and bathrooms, and all kinds of things. I remember it being big, probably like Titanic big, but not as glamorous. But sink worthy just like the Titanic.

So I am on this boat. I remember being on it with some friends. I can picture them, but don't know their names. And I was with my father. Why of all people in the world he was there, I wasn't sure but at the end of the dream I understood why.

We are having drinks, laughing, having a good time.

Suddenly the boat breaks in half, starts to sink, as we are just there laughing and having a good time. Next thing I know my Dad is getting into this truck that drives under water. In the seat is my dog, Lady. She is telling me (yes telling me, cause apparently in this bizarroland she can talk), that I need to hightail it and run towards her.

I take off running towards her, cause wouldn't you? If your little bitty dog is talking wouldn't you be all, "dude my dog is talking."

Then suddenly we are underwater. I am running on the floor of the ocean towards the truck. People are acting weird and not even worried they are underwater. My Dad is attaching a rope to the truck. The rope is tied to the boat and he is going to pull it to shore. Cause his truck is like monster truck strong and can pull a truck the size of the Titanic.

And I am then sitting in the truck saying, "dude this crap is weird, no one cares." And my Dad says, "they don't care because of the booze."

Booze? Who the heck knows. I was confused then and still am.

So he pulls the boat to the shore and then the people are mad at him. Mad cause they are underwater people who like the water. So they start to throw seaweed at him.


Then I woke up.

Do you think that Vicodin I took before bed had any effect?

Call Animal 911!

Quite often I am amazed at the antics of my animals. Brace yourself, I talk about them often enough to just almost step over the line into "Crazy Pet Lady". I am very careful with that. I don't want my legacy on this world to be "The Lady who wouldn't shut up about her animals".

So where was I? O yes, my animals.

So I am here watching the dearly departed Patrick Swayze's all-time most sexiest movie, Dirty Dancing. I look over to find Chester (my male cat) with his face shoved into the blanket. Gosh his life must be so overly devestating if he thinks his best way to go is to suffocate himself in my blanket.

The poor little guy. Ok he isn't so little. I took him to the vet a few years ago, had his manhood taken away, and he blew up. Blew up to about 20 pounds. I have a 20 pound cat, whose manhood is gone, he is slower than molasses, and now is shoving his face into my blanket. Think I should be concerned?

Free tickets sound good, in the beginning...

So tonight I gathered up the posse. And when I say posse I mean my husband, mother and her boyfriend. I am such a badass, ain't I?

We went to yet another Arizona Diamondbacks game. This time our free tickets came with exceptional seats. Exceptional, I say! I could literally touch the wall between the stands and the field. It was beyond awesome.

That was until we sat down. The seats were angled in the most craziest way EVER. You had to turn your neck just right where you thought either your head is going to fall off or you just might NEVER get to turn your head again EVER!

So ok the seats are not in the greatest place like I thought. But that wasn't the only thing! Then we get to sit next to these pre-madonna's who think they are the queen bee's. Uggh! They reeked of nasty perfume. Chris said he thought many times of throwing up.

To top it all off, the Diamonbacks lost again! This makes the third game we have gone to where they lose. Now someone in their right mind may say, "maybe we shouldn't go to a game again. We are bad luck." But in my world I blame it all on my husband and tell him it's all his fault, where he in turn tell's me it's my fault.

And then I say, "well fine then. I'm gonna take back your matchy matchy shirt!"

I bought us matching Diamondback shirts during a moment of weakness and much less clarity then normal. Never in the 11 years he and I have been together have I ever bought us matching anything. So why now of all day's did I think it was a good idea to purchase matching t-shirts? I blame it on the hotdogs. Yep, the hotdogs. It's the drugs they put in those things.

Frisky Friday with a freakish twist

This sorta freaks me out.

Go ahead and tell on me punk!

I seriously am not sure how much more of this particular student I can take.

For those who do not know, I teach now. I teach at a technical college, teaching a pharmacy technician program. I absolutely love doing it. It's so nice to teach people something that I have been doing for a long time. Never did I think I would actually end up teaching anyone, let alone college students.

It's been fun and challenging, but a good challenging. Good until I have to deal with this one particular student.

We will call him Howard.

Howard is intelligent, he does work hard, I give him that much credit. But he is a pain in the ass.

Everything is a fight with him. I don't give him what is going to be on the test, so he fails. I set him up to fail. I must be out to get him. I give him books with the print so small he can't see them. I give him tests that are hard. I do this, I do that.

First of all I do not write the tests. They are written by the program manager. She writes the curriculum and also any tests or practicals. I just administer the tests she writes. I teach the curriculum and add in my own takes on things.

Last night this Howard person complains that I didn't give him a book during computer class. I stood up at the front of the class and said if anyone needed a book to let me know, I had a couple. Also to raise their hands to let me know when they finished a lesson. Not once did this student raise his hand to ask me for a book or to state he finished the lesson.

But somehow he says that I refused to help him or to "teach" him. So he runs off to tell my boss, the director, on me. Then he sits there for the remainder of class with a smug look on his face and looks down his nose at me.

I really could just smack the crap out of him.

What's absolutely hilarious is that his "girlfriend" sits next to him in class. While he was telling on me, she came up to me to tell me that he was telling on me and that she thought it was ridiculous that he was.

So I say go ahead and tell on me punk. Remember I am the teacher, I could make your life a living hell if I wanted to.....

My husbands anti-everything on the computer...

He really is! I can't mess with him like other wives mess with their husbands.

He doesn't like:

Facebook- "I have to start a profile, then remember a password? No thanks, thats too much work."

Myspace- "I have a myspace, but I forgot the password"

Emails- "Its that password thing..."

So then I mention that I could write these "passwords" down next to the computer...

And he say's "But don't I have to have a password to get on the computer?"

*head hits desk*

So I guess I have a husband who won't be entertaining, let me make fun of him but pestering him on the interwebs, or engage in online love comments to me. But I do guess there is some kind of secret thrill with knowing I can say whatever I want without him ever seeing it. *insert evil grin and laugh*

Must have been Monday

It's Sunday and I really wish that this weekend wasn't almost over. I am still tired!

Because I have a long week ahead of me, I am posting my Monday blog tonight.

Monday's are devoted to things that just don't make sense. I can't explain them...but its Monday, and crazy stuff happens on Mondays.

So for this first Monday blog, I have no clue what to say about this. You leave a comment, tell me what to say....I am lost for words.

Feeling Frisky Friday

This day totally sucked

Well it's almost 3 am. I am not talking about today for reals, I mean yesterday. But because I haven't gone to sleep, we will just say it's today. And if you don't like it, well tough shit to you. This is my blog, not your's so there.

I am sitting here at 3 am listening to the dryer finish drying the clothes, to the movie Cider House Rules, and to the hum of this computer. I was reading a very funny blog with some ramblings from a woman I think just may be half insane or just plain hilarious. I haven't decided which.

What's the point here? Well I totally was going to get to it but I got side tracked with the thoughts of trying to tell you about this blogger.

Crap now I can't remember.... uggh!

So maybe I will just give you a snip it of my marriage...

*phone rings (I am in the car, calling Chris at home)*

Chris: hello

Me: Hey did you find that drink in the bag?

Chris: Drink? What drink and what bag?

Me: You know the bag I gave you with the grapes?

Chris: You gave me grapes? When?

Me: It was like this morning. Don't you remember?

Chris: Are you on crack? Have you run into a lamp pole? You didn't give me any grapes.

Me: O yes I did. I did it this morning, right after I had to scoop poop off the bed cause Lady pooped on the bed.

Chris: Now I know your really high. Lady has never pooped on the bed.

Me: O yeah she did, I had to scoop it off. I know she did.

Chris: Your hurting my head...

Me: You should probally take some medicine for that. But I am telling you I had to scoop it off, then I threw it on the floor.

Chris: Since when do you scoop poop off the bed and throw it on the floor? Seriously

Me: Well it happened today, I am telling you. You don't believe me? Why would I lie?

Chris: I am not saying your lying, I am saying you have lost your freaking mind.

Me: No you lost yours. You think I am messing with you. Why would I? I woke up, scooped poop and then gave you grapes.

Chris: And where did you get the grapes?

Me: I got them at the store, silly. Right after I scooped the poop.

Chris: *sigh*

Me: So have you found it yet?

Chris: Found what? The poop?

Me: Not the poop! Don't you remember what we were talking about?

Chris: No, you are rambling and I have a headache

Me: I told you to take medicine. God why don't you ever listen to me?

Chris: I try but then you talk.

Me: Your mean. I don't like you. Forget I called. Don't eat the grapes. I poisoned them.

Chris: You poisoned them?

Me: Yep

Chris: And when did this happen?

Me: After I gave you the drink.

Chris: What drink?

Me: The one you were supposed to be looking for in the bag with the grapes.

Chris: *sigh* I don't know what to do with you...

Do I have a baby no one told me about?

Chris got the mail today...

And came upstairs to give it to me. Apparently I got a package...

Inside it was 2 cans of formula. Formula for a baby. A baby I am quite sure I don't have. And the letter inside was talking about the baby I just had, and how every new mom should try this formula.

So I ask, because I know I have been working alot of hours, did I give birth? Was I in the hospital?

What in the world is going on? LOL

All chewed up...

That is what my cell phone is right now. Lady got ahold of it last night and chewed it up. Which is sooo NOT her! She never does this kind of stuff, so I can't figure out what the heck got into her.

The phone is still able to be operated, but the back is missing. So I have to hold the battery in...I sure hope I don't get some rare cellphone brain cancer from holding it up to my head. And the screen is all jacked up....O and the hinges on it are hanging on.

Its really a very ghetto looking phone now. And I can't afford one for awhile, so this should be fun.

Seriously what got into her?

Been a long time...

It's been a long time. Yes I know. Life gets out of control sometimes.

Lets see whats been going on...

-Chris and I lost our home.
-I found us a church.
-We were baptized.
-Chris got disability, so we are doing better.
-I am attending church each week.
-I have a bible study group I attend.
-I also go to a neighborhood group night.

Nothing much is going on. I hope to have more when I think of it. If you have hung on this long, thank you so much for being patient.

Love and Hugs